Thursday, September 23, 2010

I think someone stole my lipstick

My mom has called me seven times since Tuesday morning.

Call #1: Tuesday morning
Mom: "I need a few things at the store. Toilet paper, hand soap, deodorant. Oh, and an inhaler."
Me: "I brought you inhalers last week."
Mom: "Oh, do you know where I put them?"
Me: "No, I don't. I can come over Thursday morning."

Call #2: Tuesday mid morning, left on machine
Mom: "Hi. I need a few things at the store. Toilet paper, hand soap, deodorant. And my list says toothpaste. (I love how she "blames" her list. It's not me asking for all this stuff- my list says i need it!). Oh, and you need to pick up some inhalers." (she then proceeds to leave the exact information for the inhaler on the answering machine. I don't get her inhalers at the store, I order them through the mail. And I just gave her two new ones last week.)

Call #3: Tuesday evening
Mom: "I am sorry I haven't called you in a while. (what?) I have a few things I need at the store. Toilet paper, hand soap, deodorant. And I can't read what I wrote next."
Me: "Toothpaste?"
Mom: "Yes! How did you know that?"
Me: "Lucky guess. Your new bed is being delivered tomorrow, remember."
Mom: "What about my old bed? Will I be without a bed? I need a bed!"
Me: You don't need a bed, you haven't used the bed you have now in months. But the guys will take down the old bed when they bring in the new one."
Mom: "OK. When is it coming?"
Me: "Tomorrow, I just said that."
Mom: "You did not say tomorrow. Oh, I need a few things. Toilet paper, hand soap, deodorant. Are you writing this down?"
Me: "Yes, Mom. I know."

Calls #4 & #5: Wednesday morning, left on machine
repeat Call #2.

Call #6: Wednesday evening
Mom: "Hi. Me again. I forgot to tell you that I need a few things."
Me: "Let me guess. deodorant, hand soap, and toilet paper."
Mom: "Yeah, I do need toilet paper. That wasn't on my list. Oh, and I broke my comb."
Me: "So you need a comb?"
Mom: "Oh. Yes. Bring me a comb. And I lost my lipstick. Although you know sometimes things don't get 'lost' around here."
Me: "I am not getting into this right now, Mom. No one is stealing from you."
Mom: "Fine. Did you know I was getting a new bed today?"
Me: "sigh."
Mom: "I need inhalers."

Call #7: This morning
Mom: "I thought you were coming over last night."
Me: "No, I am coming over this morning. Plus, there was a tornado warning last night, remember? You all had to leave the dining room?"
Mom: "Oh, it was just a little weather."
Me: "I don't even know what that means. hey, do your old sheets fit your new bed?"
Mom: "Why wouldn't they fit? It's the bed I had at home."
Me: "No, Mom, it's a brand new bed."
Mom: "No, I had this one brought from home."
OMG again.
Mom: "Did I tell you I lost my lipstick?"

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