no one wears pants to bed, not even bears

Now that I am temporarily out of work my tiny toddler is only going to day care two days a week. Because my big four and a half year old is in preschool he is still going all five days. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays when both boys are heading to school I have taken over the day care car pool duties from my husband. And because I have nowhere to be and no exact time to be there we can take our time in the mornings. So I was having a quiet breakfast with my husband this morning while both boys slept in a little when I turned around, coffee cup in hand, and screamed in fright at the sight of my creepy, stealth child standing in the doorway to the dining room in his t-shirt and pull up. That kid makes so much noise throughout the day that I am constantly asking him to take it down a notch yet he manages to get out of bed, creep down the stairs and sneak up behind me with no sound at all.

"Mommy, it's cold down here."
"Well, you're not wearing any pants."
"I never wear pants."
"You wear pants all the time."
"No one wear pants to bed. Not even bears." (what? do bears wear other clothes, just not pants?)
At this point I picked him up, sat him on the sofa and wrapped him up in a blanket. As you can imagine, not five minutes later... "Mommy, I'm too hot!"

So after breakfast I left my big four and a half year old in the living room with his breakfast and walked my husband out to the car. When I came back in the house my doodlebug was nowhere to be found. After checking all of his normal downstairs hiding places I headed upstairs. Halfway up the stairs I started to hear the giggles. Both his and the tiny toddler's. By the time I got to the two year old's room my older son had unzipped the crib tent and had climbed into the crib with his little brother. He was holding "Froggy Frog" and making him dance, which was causing his little brother to giggle and dance too. "He was crying, Mommy, so I came up to make him happy." Too. Sweet. For. Words. Oh, and "Froggy Frog" is a stuffed frog, purchased for the baby because he kept stealing his older brother's beloved frog, which is aptly named "Froggy". We couldn't have two "Froggy's", you see. And no, it didn't stop the stealing.

I left both of my boys in the crib and headed over to my room to finish getting dressed. As I was putting in my contacts I was thinking about how well my doodlebug takes care of his little brother. My tiny toddler doesn't usually like to eat anything that isn't fruit or yogurt and will frequently throw his entire meal on the floor if he is denied his precious favorite foods. My attempts to feed him by hand are often met with the aforementioned food flying across the high chair and bouncing off my shirt. Or my face. Or landing in my drink.... But his big brother can feed him. Usually the bite is way too big and the spoon is shoved a little too far into his mouth, but he eats. So my big four and a half year old is now the official baby feeder in the house.

In between bopping him on the head with the wet washcloth my oldest boy helps his little brother wash his hair in the bath tub. He peels his bananas. He gives him toys and shows him how to play with them, including teaching him how much fun it is to roll monster trucks down the stairs. (Which makes a HUGE noise and a HUGE mess at the bottom of the stairs.) He is really a very nurturing little dude.

And so this is what I was thinking about this morning as I was listening to my two boys play in the crib. I was basking in the glow of knowing that my big four and a half year old was growing into such a nurturing young boy. And then I remembered. This past Saturday we attended the baptism of our newest family member, a baby girl cousin to my boys. Then I  remembered my big four and a half year old coming up to me at the church and asking me this question:

"Mommy, can I go pet the baby?"

Pet the baby? Then it clicked. I think he thinks his little brother is the dog he has always wanted....

Woody & Buzz are weeping in his underwear drawer while I do ALL the work

This morning I hopped out of bed, brushed my teeth and put my glasses on and headed over to the big four and a half year old's bedroom to get him ready for school. (we call day care "school" in our house.) Every morning we follow the same routine; I rummage through the t-shirt drawer pulling out shirt after shirt while my child lays in bed like a little prince turning each selection down. Eventually I say "pick one. NOW." Sometimes I say "You're wearing THIS ONE." We then complete this same silly dance for shorts and, believe it or not, underwear. It's underwear, dude. JUST. PICK. A. PAIR. Suddenly he won't wear any of his underwear that doesn't advertise the Cars franchise. I think I heard Woody and Buzz weeping quietly in the underwear drawer the other day...

I then haul him out of bed, literally. I pick up all 38 pounds of him, stand him upright in front of me, and help him get dressed. That's right, I admit it. I help my big four and a half year old get dressed every day.  Now I know he can do this himself. On days that he wakes up before we do he always gets dressed before leaving his room. After church he can't wait to run upstairs and change his clothes. So he is capable of getting dressed without my help. But this time we have spent together every school morning has been special to both of us. I enjoy this Matthew & Mommy time, and I know that Matthew enjoys it also. But lately it hasn't been as much fun, for me at least. The fight over what to wear, the fight to get him out of bed, all while his little brother is calling to me from his crib down the hall... it's adding stress to our house in the mornings that we just don't need. I'm sad to say it, but my big four and a half year old is going to have to start dressing himself. And he is not going to be happy about it. But I have a plan...

Tomorrow morning I am going to take a photo of him completing his morning routine. I'll get one of him dressing, one of his breakfast. I'll take a picture of him brushing his teeth with his new "big boy" toothpaste, which he hates, (he loves brushing his teeth, it is the new toothpaste he hates.) I'll snap a photo of him putting on his shoes and walking out of the front door carrying his lunch box and bag. (something else he doesn't like to do and has now learned that little brother will carry things for him.) Then I'll make a little book for him- I'm thinking of putting the pictures on a big ring so he can easily flip through them. That is step one.

Step two: he will now have to decide what to wear the night before so we can lay it out on his chair. Sounds easy, but for some reason I feel this is going to be a difficult step, like I'll just be replacing my morning frustration over pulling every shirt out of the drawer with a new evening frustration of pulling every shirt out of the drawer.

No matter what else he might eat for breakfast my big four and a half year old almost always eats a granola bar every morning. So I will lay one out on the kitchen table the night before and if he is dressed and ready before I am done with his brother he can go downstairs on his own and start his breakfast. He is not allowed to go downstairs alone in the morning so I am hoping this will be a big enough draw for him to want to get dressed on his own.

 Thank goodness I work from home most days. If I had to get dressed and pulled together enough to leave the house in the morning and head to an office I would have to be getting out of bed at the crack of dawn. And that is just not going to happen. I can see the writing on the wall. If I don't get a handle on this now then I might be helping my high schooler get dressed every morning. or worse yet, helping two high schoolers get dressed every morning!

It is not going to be easy. My Matthew is a creature of habit and change is not easy for him. He loves his Mommy and Matthew time and he is not going to be pleased that I am now helping his little brother in the morning instead of him. But my 2011 goal was to create a calmer family environment, so it has to be done. Stay tuned...

top baby/toddler products for the adopted child

This morning as I unzipped the crib tent to free my twenty-six month old I thought, again, how thankful I am to have the cover over the crib. This crib tent has been a great source of conversation over the years and I have heard my fair share of jokes about "locking" my little ones into the crib. But it has been a lifesaver for my sanity. And if you don't have children adopted from an orphanage setting you may not understand this, but think about it. We didn't bring home an infant when we returned from China, we brought home a walking and curious fifteen month old. A fifteen month old who had never seen stairs or a western toilet. He had never seen a stove or a bathtub. He had never seen a refrigerator. Our house, which had been reviewed for safety by both both our adoption assessor and a fireman, truly might not have been as safe for our new little one as we thought it was. And a fifteen month old can catapult himself out of a crib in no time. We didn't know our new little guy all that well yet. With a newborn, as they grow, you see their abilities begin to development and can plan for the safety features you need to install, before they are needed. We didn't initially have that luxury. I had no idea if our son could turn the knob and open the bathroom door. I didn't know if he could lift the toilet seat lid or catapult himself into the tub. I didn't know if he could reach over and turn on the hot water or open the stove. If that crib tent hadn't kept him safely inside his crib I might not have slept at all those first few months.

So as I lifted my smiling baby out of his crib this morning I was thankful, again, for the tent that kept him snug as a bug inside the crib all night. Which got me thinking about the other baby items I couldn't have lived without. Bringing home an older baby means stocking the nursery with a completely different set of baby items. Here is what I couldn't have lived without. (and am still using!)

• crib tent. could not live without it.
• sippy cup tether. tethers sippy cups, snack cups and toys to strollers, high chairs, car seats and grocery carts. my youngest son is very attached to a rather large stuffed cat that accompanies us most places and who seems to love to leap from the grocery cart or stroller on a pretty regular basis. the tether works as a "leash" and keeps kitty always within arms reach. i keep three of these tethers in the diaper bag at all times and we use them nearly every time we leave the house.
• kinder kord. there is a lot of discussion out there over the use of tethers to keep a young child close. And I used to be on the side of "we don't leash our children". then I had a child with poor hearing who didn't understand danger, or the English language all that well. after trying a few varieties I finally settled on the kinder kord and I love it. with the backpack tethers my little guy kept falling over. the kinder kord simply attaches to his wrist and to mine, so he can still walk next to me and hold my hand while still being free to explore his expanding world. I could not have lived without this amazing little device, especially at amusement parks, fairs, and the zoo. and even better news is that these kords can be hooked together, so I can tether the two children together to me, if needed.
• snack trap. all little ones like snacks and all little ones seem to spill them all over everywhere within twenty seconds of being handed said snack. Snacks are especially important to some children who spent time in an orphanage. I didn't notice this so much with my first child but my youngest son needs to know there is food available at all times. he doesn't overeat or constantly demand food but he does need to know it is always there for him. to this end he carries around his little snack trap cup pretty much everywhere he goes. and now the mess is minimized. we are no longer leaving a trail of puffs and cheerios everywhere we go!
• individualized photo story book. anyone can put photos in a book, right? when our adopted children head off to daycare, usually just a few short months after joining their forever family, they can experience a higher level of anxiety than a child who begins daycare as an infant. I found that sending my children to their new daycare with a photo album of his family and home really helped with that anxiety. using a service such as shutterfly allowed me to write captions and narratives in the picture book, assuring me that my son's new teachers were using adoption appropriate language and saying the same phrases we were telling our sons at home. my youngest son just started daycare this week and it is very important to me that he understand that "mommy will be back at the end of the day" and that "your older brother, matthew, is just down the hall from you today".
• toddler handle. this tricky little device has been a godsend. it easily attaches to the stroller and allows my four year old to hang on to the stroller and walk right next to me through busy parking lots. it is also great for those moments when the two year old refuses to sit in the stroller but still needs to be right next to me. having a child who doesn't know the language and doesn't understand danger can be truly terrifying and this handle really puts my mind at ease, while allowing for freedom, something every child craves.
• cell phone skin. all babies like cell phones and all babies like to chew on everything they touch. the difference with an older baby is that while they still have the need to chew on things they are not interested in traditional baby teethers. assuring my blackberry has a soft cover allows my little guy to look at photos of himself and his brother, listen to music, or watch a video, all while keeping my phone  dry and teeth mark free!
• hip panda baby carrier. this is my all time favorite baby/toddler accessory. I could not live without it. all adoptive parents know how important baby carriers are; wearing your baby is the single most important bonding technique. But if you are not adopting a tiny little one sometimes it is hard to find a way to wear your baby. not willing to compromise on this I spent hours searching for the perfect product and I found it in the Hip Panda. these amazing slings are soft and very comfortable to wear, with the baby sitting on your hip, which is great for an older baby/toddler. and they are made to order, fit to your exact measurements, which assures comfort for the mama as well. these carriers are for more than trekking through the mall. not only did I wear both my boys while traveling through their birth countries but I wore them both at home. I am still wearing the younger one. not only is this a great way to bond but it also allowed me to complete household chores such as laundry and cooking while caring for a child who wouldn't let me put him down. with the carrier both arms are free so it is a win win for both mommy and baby!

These are my cannot live without, all time favorite baby/toddler items for the adopted child. Not a day goes by that I don't use these amazing products!