no one wears pants to bed, not even bears

Now that I am temporarily out of work my tiny toddler is only going to day care two days a week. Because my big four and a half year old is in preschool he is still going all five days. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays when both boys are heading to school I have taken over the day care car pool duties from my husband. And because I have nowhere to be and no exact time to be there we can take our time in the mornings. So I was having a quiet breakfast with my husband this morning while both boys slept in a little when I turned around, coffee cup in hand, and screamed in fright at the sight of my creepy, stealth child standing in the doorway to the dining room in his t-shirt and pull up. That kid makes so much noise throughout the day that I am constantly asking him to take it down a notch yet he manages to get out of bed, creep down the stairs and sneak up behind me with no sound at all.

"Mommy, it's cold down here."
"Well, you're not wearing any pants."
"I never wear pants."
"You wear pants all the time."
"No one wear pants to bed. Not even bears." (what? do bears wear other clothes, just not pants?)
At this point I picked him up, sat him on the sofa and wrapped him up in a blanket. As you can imagine, not five minutes later... "Mommy, I'm too hot!"

So after breakfast I left my big four and a half year old in the living room with his breakfast and walked my husband out to the car. When I came back in the house my doodlebug was nowhere to be found. After checking all of his normal downstairs hiding places I headed upstairs. Halfway up the stairs I started to hear the giggles. Both his and the tiny toddler's. By the time I got to the two year old's room my older son had unzipped the crib tent and had climbed into the crib with his little brother. He was holding "Froggy Frog" and making him dance, which was causing his little brother to giggle and dance too. "He was crying, Mommy, so I came up to make him happy." Too. Sweet. For. Words. Oh, and "Froggy Frog" is a stuffed frog, purchased for the baby because he kept stealing his older brother's beloved frog, which is aptly named "Froggy". We couldn't have two "Froggy's", you see. And no, it didn't stop the stealing.

I left both of my boys in the crib and headed over to my room to finish getting dressed. As I was putting in my contacts I was thinking about how well my doodlebug takes care of his little brother. My tiny toddler doesn't usually like to eat anything that isn't fruit or yogurt and will frequently throw his entire meal on the floor if he is denied his precious favorite foods. My attempts to feed him by hand are often met with the aforementioned food flying across the high chair and bouncing off my shirt. Or my face. Or landing in my drink.... But his big brother can feed him. Usually the bite is way too big and the spoon is shoved a little too far into his mouth, but he eats. So my big four and a half year old is now the official baby feeder in the house.

In between bopping him on the head with the wet washcloth my oldest boy helps his little brother wash his hair in the bath tub. He peels his bananas. He gives him toys and shows him how to play with them, including teaching him how much fun it is to roll monster trucks down the stairs. (Which makes a HUGE noise and a HUGE mess at the bottom of the stairs.) He is really a very nurturing little dude.

And so this is what I was thinking about this morning as I was listening to my two boys play in the crib. I was basking in the glow of knowing that my big four and a half year old was growing into such a nurturing young boy. And then I remembered. This past Saturday we attended the baptism of our newest family member, a baby girl cousin to my boys. Then I  remembered my big four and a half year old coming up to me at the church and asking me this question:

"Mommy, can I go pet the baby?"

Pet the baby? Then it clicked. I think he thinks his little brother is the dog he has always wanted....

my little baby immigrant

The first time I encountered Immigration here in the United States was at the Los Angeles airport. I remember that the Passport Control/Immigration was housed in a large warehouse type room in the basement. It was hot. There were people everywhere. The plane we had come in from Hong Kong on was fully loaded, and everyone was tired, cranky, and unaware of our American standards for personal space. I remember that there was a line at Immigration and we had to wait a very long time just to get the chance to hand over the papers for our new son. I remember that our little 15 month old son quickly tired of his newly purchased stroller and was soon running about the expansive room, with his new, tired and hot mommy chasing after him. I also remember a long wait once it was our turn. A long unpleasant wait.

Three years later I found myself back in that same Immigration line. And not looking forward to it. This time I had a 24 month old with me, who was more mobile and independent than my first son. And I was alone. And I had no stroller. I took my time getting off the plane and walking downstairs.

I entered the expansive room and was surprised at what I saw. Or more, what I didn't see. My fellow passengers from Japan were waiting quietly in the many lines to enter the country- each passport booth was actually open! There was no pushing, no misuse of personal space. The room was calm, quiet and most importantly, not hot.

There were airport authorities standing every few feet, assisting passengers to find the right line. One of these helpers pointed me towards the American citizen line. "I need immigration", I told him. He pointed me towards a woman holding a walkie talkie and called over to her "She needs immigration." She came over to me asked if it were for me or the baby or both. I explained it was for the baby. I was expecting her to just point me towards the right line- after all, if it hadn't changed since I was there last I was pretty sure I already knew where I needed to go. But she didn't point me anywhere. Instead, she picked up her walkie talkie and very loudly said "I am sending over a baby immigrant. I repeat, I am sending over a baby immigrant." OK, that was weird. The entire room seemed to stop the quiet buzzing all at once and I felt every eye on me. I started to walk in the direction she was pointing. Before I could thank her she pushed the talk button on her walkie talkie again and said: " Did you hear me? There is a baby immigrant heading your way!" What? Why the need to announce this all over the room? What did they think this little baby immigrant was going to do? How prepared did they need to be?

There was no answer for a few seconds and then a voice came over the walkie talkie. "Is the baby momma coming too?" Oh My God. The entire room erupted into laughter. And me and my little baby immigrant felt very welcomed into the United States.

sleeping in south korea

This is my fourth visit to Seoul, South Korea and I have yet to leave the airport grounds. One of these days I have got to get back here to visit this city. My entire impression of this city is based soley on three things:

1. Korean Air. The airplanes are clean and the flight attendants are wonderful. They are accomadating and pleasant, and today, traveling with a 24 month old, I really saw how sweet they truly are. Plus, they play nice classical music when you are boarding and when you are waiting to de-plane, which is a soothing touch. Which is needed on these flights because for some reason no one on Asian or Russian flights listens to the pilot when he says STAY SEATED until the seat belt light is turned off. The minute the plane slows down people jump up from their seats and lunge for the overheads. There is a lot of hurry up and wait, I have noticed.  Oh, and they gave Alex this cool little plush Korean Air airplane toy, which he loved!

2. The Incheon International Airport. Except for the fact that it is really really hot inside this airport, I have to say it is very nice. It is easy to navigate, the information desk people are great, and there is a ton of shopping. Plus, this is the airport where my husband spotted the putting green outside a second floor window, on a ledge overlooking the tarmac. Despite the obvious reasons why this might not be the best place to put a putting green (no way to get up there, right over where planes are waiting to take off...), still, it was way cool.

Alex and I also spent some time in the immigration office of this airport today, and everyone was so nice. The officials were unsure of what to do with us, since Alex is a Russian citizen. We Americans do not know how easy we have it when we it comes to international travel. So many other countries need visa's even for an overnight layover. I had checked the rules and contacted the South Korean Consulate for clarification, but our travel plans still threw the officers into somewhat of a very nice, very controlled tizzy. The rules state that a Russian citizen can spend up to 30 days in South Korea without a visa provided he has a ticket, already purchased, to the United States and a visa to get in to the U.S. Alex has both of those, but since we are not heading straight to America tomorrow, we have a layover in Japan, that caused major confusion. But while we waited on comfortable chairs in their nice offices the other officers made funny faces at Alex and someone even got me a glass of water. Which I really wanted but was afraid to drink, seeing as I didn't see where it came from, faucet or bottle.

When they finally cleared us the officer walked us to the baggage area, which was down the stairs, and then even loaded our very heavy suitcase onto a cart for me. My oh my, what people will do for you when you are wearing a baby! Sadly, we are hitting American immigration in L.A., which wasn't so pleasant the last time. Those immigration officers should do some customer service training with the nice people in South Korea!

3. The Hyatt Regency Hotel. This is my fourth stay at this hotel, all one nighters, and the staff here is amazing. The rooms are nice, (someday I will have to tell you abou the bathroom we had during one stay...) and the staff is almost too accomadating. At least, that is what I thought the other times I stayed here. Today, with a very heavy suitcase, a very heavy backpack, an empty carry on (purchased at the Korean airport to fix the heavy backpack problem), and a toddler, I was happy that I could hand off my luggage to the bus driver and not see it again until it found it's way to my room. Although I know I was tired, but I certainly could have pushed the elevator button myself!

The hotel restaurant staff was great, playing with Alex and helping me order for him. He had mashed potatoes and dim sum- he is already fitting in well as a member of our transcultural family!

Alex did great on his first airplane ride. In a move reminiscence of our trip home from China with Matthew Zhao he promptly spilled an entire bowl of cereal, dry, thank goodness, before we even took off. Then he sat on the floor eating it most of the trip. I know, mother of year, but the plane was that clean. Plus, it was either that or listen to him scream, which I don't think our fellow passengers would have liked. Finally he gave up on the cereal and joined me in the seats, ate two bites of his children's meal, which, frankly, looked better than mine, and managed to fall asleep right as the wheels came out to land.

I did have a very weird moment back at the airport while waiting for the hotel shuttle. I suddenly realized that I was standing outside of an airport in South Korea, alone, with a baby. Talk about things you never thought you would be doing...

So the baby is already asleep; it is 11:00 pm "on our bones", as my husband would say. He is having a hard time of it, sleeping, that is, in the little pack and play the hotel has provided. He really moves around a lot, sticking his little arms and legs out of the crib, so the webbed confinement of his current sleeping arrangements are not sitting well with him. A moment ago he sat straight up and looked at me. I stopped typing and was about to get up when he flopped back down, asleep. Poor little guy!

my current favorite things list

my current favorite things...

homemade berry bliss muffins. strawberry and blueberry heaven.

matthew's new responsibility chart. he calls the magnets "stickers" and he can't wait to earn them. we have been using for 7 days, and have had 7 days of my 3 year old making his bed, helping to set the table, getting dressed by himself... nirvana via little round smiley face magnets...

my favorite holiday mug. i like it so much i don't even store it with the christmas decorations. it is really big and can hold lots of hot chocolate, irish coffee, or lose leaf tea.

Dax the Wonder zhu zhu pet. this is MY new toy, and I love it! Plus, it is great fun to turn him loose in the kitchen when the cat is about...

other things I am currently absolutely thrilled about...

• Starbucks red cup is back. There is something about this simple color change from traditional white and green to holiday red that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...
• the fact that two people I really like have recently told me they are pregnant. I am so happy for both of them! (and this time I really mean it- possibly for the first time in years, I am honestly thrilled when I hear of a pending birth- and that feels really really good.)
• my current view from the kitchen table- both my boys on the living room floor building a monster train track. awwww.

how do you capture who you really are in a handful of snapshots?

My little family had a whirlwind of a weekend. We started our Saturday at my son's Chinese language class, across town. No matter how early we get up or how well we plan the night before we always seem to be participating in some sort of evil family olympics event as we race to get out the door. Our race to the finish line Saturday morning included packing an overnight bag for all three of us as we prepared to leave for class and not come home until Sunday evening. We made it to class with time to spare.

Our little guy is doing pretty well in this class. He is a little younger than  his classmates and so every week we hold our breath waiting for the moment when his age gets the best of him and he can no longer contain his three year old  enthusiasm. While he has his moments, overall he is doing very well participating in the class.

After class we met with a mom from our fu social group to notarize some (more) paperwork for our dossier. If we use a lawyer to notarize the documents we can skip the step of obtaining state certification, which is a huge time saver when you are attempting to pull together a dossier in three weeks. (three weeks!)

While we were hanging out at class we got to see another mom from our fu group who just came home from China last month with two beautiful toddlers. Two! That must have been quite a trip, coming home with two new little ones!

Documents notarized, Chinese learned, we headed to Cleveland. On Sunday Brad and Matthew headed to the Brown's football game. I had my own to do list to complete.

I set up shop in the Border's cafe to finish our photo collage for our dossier. I don't mind sending pictures of our home overseas for unknown strangers to view and pass judgement on. I really don't. I love our home. I like the way we have decorated it- it truly is a reflection of us. I like the toys mixed in with the books in the living room. I like the child's artwork hanging from the cupboards in the kitchen. I like the painting one niece completed on the mantel and the one another niece painted in the dining room. But these photos of our home threw me a little. They did last time also. How do you capture who you really are in a handful of snapshots? When I look around my spacious living room this is what catches my eye: the grouping of framed photos of our son and his cousins hanging on the wall, small for now, but with room to grow as our family does. The photo I took of the Great Wall of China, framed and hanging by the fire place. The wooden doll bed hand made by my great grandfather and passed down from child to child over the years. My mom, my sister, me, and now my son have all put dolls (or stuffed dogs in my son's case) to sleep in this bed. I see the big overstuffed chair that we bought when we still lived in Cleveland and the floor lamp that we received as a wedding gift. I see the photo's I took of Coney Island and Radio City Music Hall framed and sitting on high shelves in the hallway. I see my books scattered throughout the room mixed in with toy cars and stuffed pandas. But as I sat in that cafe placing those pictures into the collage I didn't see any of that. I saw a clean room, a sofa, a chair, a fireplace. How will these pictures accurately tell our story?

There are so many unknowns in the adoption process. Do they want the photos of our home to prove we have the space for another child? Are they looking for signs that we will be good parents? Every step of the journey is taxing, invasive, and, often, frustrating. With every task completed there is a whisper in the background reminding me that not everyone has such hoops to jump through. Babies leave hospitals everyday with biological mothers and go home to unsanitary or unsafe conditions. We have all seen those parents in the crowded aisles of Walmart who certainly would not have passed a home study. Those whispers are there and they are real. When this week is over and my mad rush to finish our dossier is over, the whispers will quiet again and my mind will retreat into thoughts of what color the new baby's room should be and how will we ever agree on another boy's name... I like it when the whispers are quiet and my heart can hear what is truly important- that we have the children we are meant to have.