My Summer of Learning. And poop. My Summer of Poop

The summer of 2013 is winding down. My super six year old starts back to first grade, (gasp!), this Friday, and my persevering preschooler starts back at his special preschool next Monday. Last night  we had the meet the teacher and drop off a huge bag of school supplies equal to one month's salary at the oldest son's school. Later in the week we have the meet the teacher and share with her everything we learned about our youngest son over the summer while he runs around the classroom as though driven by a motor at the youngest's preschool. Thursday night we will have our back to school dinner party. The menu, chosen by the back to schoolers, will be:

lasagna (one of the few foods the super six year old will currently eat)
strawberries and "icing" (chosen by the four year old, and when he says "icing" he means whipped cream)
cookies (homemade, hopefully made by the four year old)

I think I will toss in a salad and bread sticks to make it a grown up meal for my husband and myself. Each boy will have their own place mat with their new grade printed on it and they will each get a cool "pencil" made out of construction paper and candy. (Candy assures at least a few minutes of listening ears and bottoms in chairs at our home.) The back to school banner will be hung in the dining room and we will have those so important new school year talks, like how to be brave and how to always listen to your heart. And then it begins. The early mornings, the scrambling eggs, the chatting in the school drop off line, the homework.
So it all has me thinking. This has been a good summer. We didn't do everything we wanted, but we did a lot. We certainly did more than we did last year. This summer we were able to spend more time together as a family, thanks to a combination of a slowing down of the persevering preschooler's issues and a speeding up of my understanding and patience. He was able to behave slightly better and I was able to ignore much more. Win!

For me, this was the summer of eye opening experiences and learning. Here is a little of what I have learned over the past few months, amid water gun fights, wet swim suits, road trips, and thousands of Popsicles:

• My persevering preschooler is wise beyond his years. I mean, he cannot for the life of him get the days of the week straight but he totally gets the fact that sometimes, being the youngest kid in the family isn't fair. He spent the summer questioning his big brother's ability to do "way more", in his words.
• Brothers will fight. And I mean roll around on the floor, pinching, sitting on each other's faces fight.
• Brothers will love. In a "Here, you take the orange gumball because your favorite color is orange and I will take the purple one.", kind of way.
• Six and a half years old is the exact age one outgrows "baby toys". Sadly  for my super six year old, six and a half years old is still four and a half months away from Christmas.
• If you let go of your super six year old in the swimming pool he will freak out. And then refuse to swim again. But if you let him go on a trip with Grandma and Grandpa, where he sees his younger cousin swimming like a pro, he will come home from said trip being able to at least stay a float, while loudly proclaiming to anyone within earshot that he can, in fact, swim.
• Having a kid old enough to walk through a not so busy parking lot without holding my hand is kind of sad.
• Having a kid who can open his car door, hop in, close the door and buckle his seat belt is awesome.
• Change is good. Whether that be changing to a new church, letting go of preconceived ideas of how a family should look and "feel", or simply letting go of your child's hand and letting them walk alone, change is a good thing.
• Your six and a half year old calling you "Mom", instead of "Mommy", not so good. This is a change I was not ready for, but one he made deliberately. Sigh.
• Family vacations will from now on be filled with trains, planes, race cars, and monster trucks.
• My super six year old is on the right path to becoming a man of substance. Yesterday he asked his daycare teacher, twice, if he could go check on his little brother, who was in a new classroom for the first time. Protector, his name is Matthew Zhao.
• Just because the four year old often reads his letters from right to left is no cause for alarm. Amid everything else he has going on this is just not that big of a deal. I prefer to look at it this way- hey, the kid is learning his letters!
• My iPhone's sole purpose is to keep young boys quiet and still in public.
• When you take your persevering preschooler to a behavioral therapy appointment he will behave like an angel. And then throw a monumental tantrum in the parking lot, forcing you to stuff him into his car seat and slam the door before he can break free and run off to find someone more understanding about his needs to squat down in front of traffic to check out a rock.
• My persevering preschooler has increased his vocabulary. Now, along with the constant use of the word "poop", he has added "panties" and "butt". As is, "OK, Mommypanties, I pick up my shoes." Or, "Matthew is a Poopy Butt."
• A good eater can quickly become a poor eater. The hard part is remembering that this is, hopefully, just a phase, and that someday, hopefully soon, your sweet super six year old will stop whining about how nothing sounds good.
• I can now ignore whining like a champ. I am thinking of going pro.
• Adding a puppy to an already chaotic house is not such a big deal. What's a little more poop on the kitchen floor? (If you need the back story to that reference, read here. )

So both of my boys have done a lot of growing up this summer. As have I. We have laughed, loved, cried, and thrown tantrums. We have regrouped and hit the start button a few times. We are ready to move ahead and begin what just might be the best year we have had yet as a family of four. Bring it on world, me and my boys are ready!

Our Summer Hit List

My oldest son is pretty excited that school will soon be out. He is not so thrilled about going to daycare every day, even though his new daycare runs their summer program more like a camp than a daycare- he will be super busy doing amazing fun outings all summer long! So while he seems sad and nervous about his summer arrangements, even though he knows many of the kids he will be with every day, he is also busy planning all the fun summer activities he wants us to do as a family. Or, better yet, that he just wants me and him to do- Matthew and Mommy time on steroids.

swimming. splash pad. bike riding. nascar race. (yes, he is thinking big, but it is not out of the question.) cosi. creeking. (I am so no into this one!) ice cream. lots of ice cream. fairs. carnivals. chuck e. cheese. games. games. games. backyard fun. new toys for the backyard fun. His list is endless. Which got me thinking. My super six year old has spent this past school year learning how to be a blessing to others. And now he all about thinking about himself. Planning fun for himself is great. I am glad that he is taking charge of his own fun and not waiting around for others to make his day, so to speak. But I don't want my sweet boy to lose his focus on others.

I see a lot of random acts of kindness around our home. My super six year old quietly helps me out around the house during those moments when his little brother brings me to my knees. He offers hugs and back rubs and lots of snuggles. He clears his dinner dishes and throws away his snack wrappers. He finds quiet ways to keep himself occupied when I am mired in little brother drama. Yes, I am the recipient of a lot of great philanthropic behavior from my oldest son. But I don't really see him thinking of others in the same way. So this summer, I think we will have two lists taped to our fridge.
Our summer "fun" list, and our summer "hit" list. One will be for us- swimming, trips, Popsicles. And the other will be for "hitting" others with our random acts of kindness.

I spent some time thinking about this list, and then asked my boys for their input. I know if I am to get them excited about this then it has to be boy friendly. (Which is why it is our "hit" list  and not our "random acts of kindness" list.)

Our Summer "HIT" List

• gather up old sheets and blankets and donate to local animal shelter. (We have LOTS of sheets and blankets that have been, uh, peed on, more than once. After so many wettings they tend to turn a little yellow. They are clean, but look a little icky. I figure the animals will do their share of peeing, right?)
• pick out canned and boxed foods while shopping and deliver to the food pantry box at church.
• make cookies and deliver to elderly woman who lives across the street. (We don't know her, we have never met her. But I believe she has caregivers coming in every day to assist her and I don't think she gets out much, if at all. This one is a HUGE step out of my comfort zone, but I think it is important for my boys to be a part of an act if kindness like this.)
• drop off boxes of Popsicles to the fire station.
• pray for the injured when we see an ambulance fly by. (We actually already do this, but it is good for this list too!)
• introduce ourselves to a child playing alone at the playground and ask him/her to join in on our fun.
• pay for another smoothie lover's smoothie when we visit our favorite smoothie place.
• write a letter or draw a picture to send to the great aunts.
• be extra sweet to the bus driver driving to the daycare summer camp events. say hello and thank you.
• hold the door at a store or restaurant.
• color summery pictures or create an easy summery craft and deliver to a local assisted living.

I am sure we will add more as the summer wears on, but it's a start. They are small steps, sure. But each act of kindness will move the "me me me" focus a little closer to where it really should be, on others. And in the meantime, maybe my little men will begin to have a better understanding of how their actions affect others, both good and bad.

Well I Never!

It's time for another installment of "Things I never thought I would say or even know."

• "You need 60 points to earn your guinea pig."
• A good baby sitter is worth her weight in gold. or pizza. or cough medicine. Whatever she wants, give it to her.
• Tiny little bugs can live inside the Diaper Genie.
• "Do not hit your brother with your snorkel in the bathtub!"
• A kid will whine every day for a banana when you are out of bananas. When bananas are plentiful, said kid will act as though they are made of poison.
• The red dye I am trying to avoid giving my boys because studies show it adds to poor focus and behavior issues is in everything.
• "Why did your teacher find you sitting on top of the potty at school?"
• Kahlua in a sippy cup is just as good.
• No matter how late we are for school, there is always time for coffee.
• "Stop chasing the cat with your light saber!"
• "Stop chasing your brother with you light saber!"
• "Get that light saber out of my face!"
• "Mommy is NOT a jungle gym!"
• It is impossible to stop young boys from jumping on the sofa, jumping off the sofa, or jumping across the room from one sofa to another. Impossible. Stop trying. Just always stay dressed with your car keys handy so you can make that quick dash to the ER when they eventually misjudge the jump and bounce off the coffee table.
• "Go back upstairs and put underwear on!"
• "I don't care if that pair of underwear is your cousin's! They are clean and they showed up in your suitcase and they are yours now."
• "Honey, people don't like it when you look under the bathroom stall like that."
• "OK, let's stop being a cat and crawling on the floor now. It's time to walk like a big boy!"
• "Stop meowing!"
• "Honey, that's something you should only do in the privacy of your crib."
• Boys will consider a room "clean" if they only see 5 toys, 2 magazines, and 3 cups on the floor.
• "Wait, I'll get you a tissue."
• "What happened to what was on your finger?"
• "You put it where????"
•  I am the only person in the house who knows how to close a drawer or cupboard.
• If you are out with young kids at a place with clean bathrooms they will never have to go. If you are out where there are only outdoor potties, they will always have to go. Twice.
• There is never toilet paper in port a potties.
• The kid wearing the football helmet and careening through the living room at top speed will bounce off the kid not wearing a football helmet no fewer than 5 times between the time you say, "Stop running around the living room- no football in the house!" and time he takes the helmet off.
• It hurts to get rammed by a small child wearing a football helmet.
• Small boys and bruises go hand in hand.
• If one of us needs a band aid, we all need a band aid.
• A hug can fix a multitude of problems.
• Every day is a new day to screw up  enjoy.

just laughter, smiles, and fun

Last night we took both boys to see The Fresh Beat Band. My big five year old is a seasoned concert goer - not only has he seen the Michael Stanley Band after an Indian's game he has also seen Elmo, live in concert. And then there was that year we followed the Wiggles...

This was the first tiny toddler's concert. He doesn't like anything loud and sometimes he freaks out when around large groups, but he loves music and dancing, so it could have gone either way. He marched right into the crowded theater and climbed up into his red velvet seat as though he had done it a thousand times. When the concert started he climbed up into my lap so he could see the stage. He clapped when everyone else clapped and at one point he raised his right hand up in the air, palm out, for the entire song. My tiny toddler was testifying! He LOVED it! He bounced up and down on my lap and sang his "la la's" to the music. He didn't make it all way through the concert; my sweet husband had to take him to the back of the theater where they could stand with all the other dad's and squirmy kids, but at least he didn't cry and cause a scene... And as a side note, at least he wasn't the one in our row smelling like the diaper genie. I thought it was him, but after dragging the tiny toddler down two flights of stairs to the restroom and putting him through a terrifying diaper change on a marble ledge because there was no changing table I realized the smell was, in fact, not my baby.

As I sat there watching the concert with a child on either side of me I found myself tearing up, again. I remember sitting in a very similar theater with a small Chinese boy on my lap. He hugged his Elmo doll and clapped when Elmo and Big Bird appeared on the stage. He laughed and pointed and bounced up and down while I cried. My sweet husband cried a little too. We had waited so long, we had gone through so much to get to that moment, right there, giving the amazing gift of Elmo to this young boy that we loved so much. I am sure it is a normal adoptive parent desire to give our newly adopted children only experiences that are fun, to do whatever it takes to see our kids smile, to overcome whatever sadness their young lives had seen. (It ends, somewhat. Nearly four years home with my big five year old and I am, usually, OK with doing things here and there that make him a little sad, like limiting his screen time or not allowing him to eat ice cream and candy for breakfast.) So last night I saw my youngest son light up when the band took the stage. I looked over at my sweet husband and I was laughing through my tears. Which is pretty normal for me. For most moms, I guess. Laughing through tears...

The other thing I realized last night is how very different my two boys are. The tiny toddler is still trying to figure life out and so he spends much of his time imitating his big brother. Because of this they often seem like little mirror images of each other. But I am really starting to see a little man emerge from within the baby my preschooler used to be. He is becoming a very serious young man with a dry sense of humor. At home he acts like a clown, bouncing around and making funny faces to get his little brother to laugh. At school he loves to play basketball and soccer with his friends and he often causes trouble for the teacher with his constant chattering. (something I was often in trouble for in school myself.) At the grocery store he dances down every aisle, totally oblivious to the other shoppers watching him. But put him in a large group, like a concert, and his protection mode takes over. (again, just like mommy. I will go to great lengths to not look stupid in public.) He sat in his chair last night, hands folded in his lap, enjoying the show but not really participating. By the last few songs, when Daddy had taken his little brother off for a walk and it was just the two of us watching the show he did start to dance, just a little. I miss the no worries kid he was, the one who would have danced in the aisles no matter who was watching, but I respect the kid he is growing into. And bonus, I am really enjoying his developing sense of humor. He loves to park at the very top of parking garages and was campaigning heavily to do just that last night. We were late for the concert and traffic had been horrible and I had to pee and while the boys had eaten I had not, so it was kind of like the perfect storm. Plus I was driving a big to me SUV in a small to me parking garage, which all explains how I got to the point where I told everyone in the car to BE QUIET. I then began a conversation with my sweet husband as to where I should park, since so many of the spots in this garage are reserved and I never know if you are allowed to park in the reserved spots after hours or not. But my husband didn't answer me so I said, "WHERE SHOULD I PARK???". And a small voice whispered from the back seat, "at the top, mommy." Tension broken. No more worries over traffic or being late, or having to pee. Just laughter and smiles and fun.