making mommy friends is hard!

I used to be pretty popular, for a relatively quiet girl. In elementary school I was always friends with other "good girls" - girls who always did their home work and carried brushes and lip smacker lip gloss in their macrame or jeans purses. (how old am I?) In fifth or sixth grade I paired up with a mysterious young man named Earl, not so much because I liked him but because everyone had a "boyfriend". We would sit together at lunch and I would watch him play dodge ball or baseball at recess. I remember that Earl had dark hair and wore a lot of plain white t-shirts. Not a lot to build a relationship on, but it was a strong enough foundation for a young girl to fit in to the delicate balance of elementary school.

In high school and college I developed a close circle of friends, many of whom I am still close to today. I may not have been the most popular girl in school- homecoming queen I was not and I can't even remember the  name of the quarterback, let alone remember if he ever spoke to me in the hall. But I was friendly and nice and caring and funny and when it came to friends I did alright.

Then I grew up. left the cloistered world of academia and entered the very real world of working, paying bills, dealing with family problems, dating. I maintained my friendships from college and added a few more along the way, from early jobs. As my career progressed I spent less and less time in an office, meaning more responsibility and the money that went with it, but less opportunity to build lasting relationships with co-workers. I went on a date and found the love of my life sitting in that BW3's and got married. And then we moved two hours away from family and friends.

We suffered through infertility and two invitro-fertilizations. (side note: the act of "egg harvest" is even more unpleasant than the horrific name implies.) We traveled to China and brought home our beautiful little boy and became a family "with children". Suddenly I was a wife and mother who worked outside the home but with a "home office", with my same circle of amazing close friends, all two hours away.

Making mommy friends is hard! I am not the most outgoing person. I don't find it easy to get to know others. It's not that I don't want to get to know people, it's just not easy for me. I have opportunities - the China play group my son belongs to, the other board members of Central Ohio Families With Children From China, the other daycare mommies. Tonight I am heading out to MOPS to meet with other moms and spend some time sharing and bonding and learning. I am looking forward to it; I always enjoy it when I go. But it isn't easy. Making mommy friends is hard!

through the eyes of a friend

I had an amazing weekend! on Saturday I borrowed my in-laws house on a beautiful lake in Carrollton and met up with three close friends from college. The first great part of the weekend was our new GPS showing me a brand new time saving way to get there- it was a very pleasant, much shorter trip than usual. I arrived a few hours before my friends, so I sat on the dock and slowly moved between thumbing through a magazine, reading a book, and drinking coffee while staring off into the lake. Every so often I could hear a woodpecker, or the leaves behind me rustle as a chipmunk scampered through the yard. I could hear the fish in the lake jump and the geese honk as they flew overhead. All around me, moved by the occasional breeze, the leaves fell, floating down gently to the dock or landing in the water. I found myself really looking forward to my friend's arriving and yet totally enjoying this very quiet moment. I find myself alone a lot; in the car, driving to the communities in my portfolio for work, or in my home office, usually on the phone. During those moments my mind is always on, multi-tasking and solving problems, putting out fires and coaching. This quiet time at the lake allowed my mind to completely slow down. I could literally feel all those thoughts that usually run through my head at all times like a steam train - work and dinner and laundry and day care pick up and meetings and grocery shopping and serbia and music class and alone time with my husband and mom's needs- all slipped out of my brain. I sat there picturing them sliding down and slipping into the cool water, floating away. By the time my first friend arrived those thoughts were completely gone and I was completely relaxed.

That evening my friends and I laughed and played board games and drank wine and reminisced about our younger college years. We discussed children and adoptions and divorce and marriage. We delved into careers and dreams and paths our lives didn't take. We are four very different women tied together by a bond formed 20 years ago in the Kent State University School of Music hallways. It felt as though we had just seen each other last month, instead of last year. That is the great thing about old friends; no matter how much time passes before you finally get together, once you do, it seems as though no time has passed at all.

Along with spending a relaxed evening full of laughter and fun with my dear friends something else happened this weekend at the lake. One of my friends really liked the setting. Small homes nestled against a private lake struck a chord in my friend. As we walked down to the dam I felt as though I was looking at the lake through different eyes. Her eyes. I like the lake. I always have a good time when we visit there. But we haven't spent as much time there since our son has joined our family. Get away spots such as this see this happen all the time; families change and grow and what was once a favorite vacation spot becomes a less visited weekend here and there, often tapering off to nothing until the family structure ebbs and flows again- teenagers who wanted nothing to do with the once loved lake leave the house, leaving behind parents with more time on their hands. Suddenly the lake homes come alive again as the empty nesters begin spending more and more time there, followed by son and daughter in laws and then little ones. The new young families begin to raise their children on this tradition, until those little ones become busy teenagers and the cycle begins again.

Seeing the quiet and beauty of this spot through my friend's eyes reminded me that this time we have with our family so young is fleeting. We need to not let it slip by us. I am already planning next summer's visits to the lake!