Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Tell Me, Which is Better?

On Saturday my three year old son squealed with delight as he opened presents from Santa.  If he still lived in the orphanage there would be no presents, no holiday, no squeals of delight.

On Sunday my three year old visited his Aunt Debbie and his cousin Katie and played with their dogs. If he still lived in the orphanage he would have played with mismatched or broken toys, if he played at all.

On Monday my three year old went with his Grandparents to a party at his cousin's home, where he played with his little baby cousin and ate hot dogs. If he still lived in the orphanage he would have eaten thin potato puree that was too hot to swallow but that he would have gulped down anyways, to fill his always empty stomach.

On Tuesday my three year old visited his Aunt Becky's home where he played with his cousins and watched deer in their snowy backyard. If he still lived in the orphanage he wouldn't have been able to see the world outside from the small high windows that were smudged with mud and snow.

On Tuesday night my three year old rode home in the backseat of his family's car while watching a movie about Curious George, his favorite show, with his older brother. If he still lived in the orphanage he wouldn't have seen any educational shows on television, or had a brother to share them with.

On Wednesday my three year old played in the snow, all bundled up in his snow suit. If he still lived in the orphanage he might never be warm enough, and wouldn't have been able to play in the snow, as there was no yard, only a small concrete parking lot surrounded by gray buildings.

all smiles as he plays in the snow with his older brother


Tomorrow my three year old will go back to preschool, where he will learn his letters and colors. If he still lived in the orphanage tomorrow would be the same as every other day. No education. No love dedicated just to him. No choice in meals or toys. No clothes of his own, no family of his own, no mama of his own.

Tell me, which is better?

So many people tell my husband and I that our children are "lucky". "They are soooo lucky that you adopted them." "They are lucky lucky lucky!" And we have always said that we are the lucky ones, not them. I am lucky when I hear my boys laughing with each other. I am lucky when my three year old says "I wanna kiss you mama" and kisses my leg. I am lucky when one of my boys catches my eye and smiles at me. I am lucky lucky lucky. But now, with Russia on the verge of possibly banning adoption to Americans, I feel as though my little three year old is lucky too. Less than 1,000 children came home to their forever families from Russia in 2011, but he was one of them. He was one of the lucky ones.


There are an estimated 700,000 children living in Russian orphanages.  A number of those children have already been placed with waiting American families, and those adoptions are threatened to be disrupted, or, worse yet, not occur at all, if the ban on Americans adopting Russian orphans goes through. These American women and men are not "parents to be". They are already parents. They have visited their Russian child. They have held him, fed her, played. They have bonded. They have promised to return. And now their lives, and the lives of these innocent children, may never be the same. Contact President Obama. Sign a petition, like this one.
Pray.

I have done all of the above. And I will do one more thing. I will be ever joyful that my little boy made it out of a country that didn't want him, but who didn't want anyone else to have him either.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

let go of expectations but hang on to that Christmas candle!

Earlier today I stopped in to visit my mom. The assisted living where she lives is beautifully decorated for the holiday- twinkly lights on the trees lining the walkway to the door, large pine wreaths on the double glass doors leading in to the community. There is a beautiful tree in the living room, nestled next to the fireplace, which is festooned with pine garlands and large red and gold ornaments. My mom has been a little under the weather this week, which is something to watch due to her history with asthma. At one point earlier in the week her physician wanted her to go to the hospital but thanks to me not getting that message in a timely manner she never made it there, choosing instead to stay in her apartment and wait out whatever illness was lurking inside her. Today she is much better, so I can let go of the guilt of not hearing the phone ring at 4am on Tuesday.
When I arrived at her home today it was 15 minutes before the dining room opened for lunch. The usual crowd had gathered in the living room, right outside the closed dining room doors. I swear they put crack in the coffee there- everyone is always in such a hurry to get in that they pile up outside the doors! I scanned the room quickly and didn't see Mom so I headed to her apartment. Where she was not. Hmmmm.
When I headed back to the living room I saw her sitting in a wing backed chair by the fireplace, listening to a gentleman wearing a Santa hat play Christmas carols on the piano. I had completely missed her the first time I scanned the room. When I think of my mother I picture a short spry black haired woman. That is who I look for when I visit her community. I never find that woman though. Who I found today is who I always find these days; a gray haired, slightly hunched over older woman. She just blends in with all the other nicely dressed gray haired ladies sitting in the living room listening to a gentleman in a Santa hat play carols on the piano.
I realized today during my short visit with Mom that she is having a better holiday season at her assisted living home than she ever would have had home alone. Even though my family will be heading to Cleveland on Christmas day and she will be alone, she has had a steady parade church visitors, carolers, music programs, day care visitors, and cookie baking activities. She has been surrounded by beautifully decorated rooms and the constant notes of Christmas music. She will see the community associates she has come to know and like, and sometimes, rely on. She will not be alone on Christmas day, save for the few hours we manage to spend with her as we split our time between two sets of in-laws. Another guilt I need to let go of. My mother will be fine on Christmas.
I receive a daily email from Whole Living magazine sharing a daily action plan. Short, simple ways to live more simply, more greenly, (OK, I am pretty sure that is not a word, but just go with it.) Today's plan: shifting holiday expectations and learning to appreciate the little things. This is a great action item for me because I have spent the past year working on this. Adding balance and peace to my family's life has been a goal of mine since last year, and I feel as though my efforts have been successful. But this little bit of advice couldn't have come at a better time. In my usual fashion I had planned out this entire holiday season. Our "family fun" list was completed, our weekly calendars with schedules and meal planning were done. I knew what day I was addressing the Christmas cards and what day we would be visiting Santa. I wedged a family trip to New York City into our plans, thankfully planned and successfully carried out by my husband. And now, three days before Christmas here I am with all the gifts purchased, cards in the mail, great memories of our trip and the sweetest photo of my little guy and Santa. The only thing left on my "to do" list is wrapping those presents and making a salad for Christmas dinner at my mother-in-law's home. So I am feeling pretty good. Our church is holding an "Eve Before You Leave" service tonight for all those people who find themselves traveling and unable to attend a service on Christmas Eve. We will be home on Friday but that will be our Christmas celebration so I am looking forward to attending the candle light service tonight. I am feeling very peaceful. (I know,can't you just picture the angels singing above my head?) But the reason I am feeling so serene is because I have been totally doing all month what that action plan asked me to do today. I stopped sweating the small stuff. I let go of the guilt of not being with my mother on Christmas. I bought smaller gifts for family and friends.I changed up the way we normally do our holiday open house to accommodate our new friends and everyone's growing families.  I brought home bakery Christmas cookies instead of dealing with the mess and hard work of making them myself. I let go of expectations, and so far, it has been an amazing holiday season!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

the holiday season has grown and changed as we have

I love it when it all comes together. Two weeks ago I was near panic every time I thought of this week. Every year around the holidays we all have that one week that is pure craziness. This was mine.

Monday: normally a work from home day for me I had to spend the day at one of the communities in my portfolio. This meant getting up earlier than usual to assure that I was dressed and appropriate for other humans to see me out there in the world. It also meant that those five minutes here and there that I grab when working from home to do necessary things like empty the dishwasher and throw another load of laundry in the washer weren't going to happen.  This is not that big of a deal but this week I needed every free minute I could get.

Tuesday: raced home from the community I was working in to pick up Matthew early from daycare so that we could be home before the babysitter arrived. Brad and I had planned to attend a holiday gathering at a friend's home before I realized early in the day that the event was actually a "girl's night". Thank God I figured it out. Brad would have been somewhat out of place amid the white wine and girl talk!

Wednesday: Matthew's Christmas play at Purple Door. This year he is out of the toddler room and in one of the pre-school classes so he stayed on stage the whole time. He was so cute up there swaying hips to "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"! He is so not a baby anymore and it still catches me off guard to see him experiencing a life of his own. When I picked him up from day care yesterday we stayed at the church and ate dinner, along with many of the other families. My little social butterfly flitted around every table in the cafe area, accepting ham and crackers from one friend, giving a hug to another. He knew everyone, including the other parents. Watching him I can imagine that this is what it would be like if he were to ever run for office- shaking hands and kissing babies. He was high fiving other Dads and sharing inside jokes with the other 3 year olds. And the sweet little girl in the cute party dress? He kept finding his way to her, getting lots of hugs. So cute.

Tonight I will be meeting a friend at the gym. And I will not cancel! Tomorrow my husband has determined that it is my office party day. Since I office out of my home usually the party is just me and the cat but this year brad has decided that spouses are coming and the party has been moved off site.

Saturday we are having Brad's family over for the annual pre Christmas dinner, which, in our case, will be lunch. Years ago Brad's sister decided that it would be fun to get the siblings together, minus kids, for a fun dinner/evening before Christmas day. We rotate it every year through the three kids, and this year is our turn. Ever since we moved two and a half hours away our dinner morphed into lunch to make the drive easier. And, now that there are seven kids between the three of us, with two more on the way, occasionally a child or two joins the fun. This year our little guy will be in attendance, soaking up the attention of all his aunts and uncles.

Saturday night we are hosting our annual holiday open house. We started this tradition back in Cleveland, or may be Akron even. The first few years it was a small dinner party and when we moved to Columbus the party moved with us. Somehow without me noticing the small dinner party slipped into a larger open house. This year I think we have more kids planning to attend than adults. Our party has grown and changed as we have, going from young couples to young families. Before the family lunch and the holiday open house though is Matthew's Chinese language class, which Brad will be taking him to as I will be at home watching over our lunch- prime rib. My first attempt at my husband's favorite meal did not go well. It was years ago, in our tiny kitchen in Cleveland. It did not go well. My second attempt was a few weeks ago and according to my husband it was awesome. He talked me into making it for his family, which excites and terrifies me at the same time. It is amazing how one sentence from your significant other: "You are a really good cook.", can make you want to try anything. I know Brad thinks I am a good cook, and to his credit he is very easy to please, but there is something about hearing those words that has had me on cloud nine for days. Sigh...

Sunday we plan to visit Santa. After we sleep in and clean up from the day before.

So two weeks ago I was beginning to be a tad anxious about this week's schedule, especially considering all that needs to be done before Saturday's two parties. But I only allowed myself to panic for a few minutes. Then I sat down, made my Christmas season lists, broke down the tasks into smaller steps and assigned them each to a day of the week, and had a glass of wine. I love this time of year!

My Can't Live Without Holiday Helpers:

List Planit - this cool website offers lists for nearly every occasion that can be either printed or downloaded. I like the fact that many of the downloaded lists can be changed to meet specific needs.

My Green Room notebook - because it is not wire bound it fits nicely into both my purse and my briefcase, meaning it is always handy. Plus it is made from recycled paper, which, as you know, I think is way cool.

RetailMeNot - this site offers promotional codes from a wide variety of companies. I have not paid retail for anything so far this season! There are differing opinions about this site so you will have to decide for yourself- on the one hand it is hard to tell if these rebates are sanctioned by the stores. On the other hand, stores are getting business they otherwise might not get.

Starbucks - Starbucks is currently in the midst of their "12 Days of Sharing" promotion, meaning lots of buy one get one free type of offers. Every day brings a new offer, making it easy to stock up on coffee and gifts.

Service Master Carpet Cleaners - awesome clean carpets. 'nuff said.

 And finally, facebook. Keeping up with my friend's holiday plans, photos of adorable kids with Santa, train rides, snowy days, fundraisers... I love this portal into my friend's lives, making me feel connected to a much larger family. My evening stroll through everyones' day is something I look forward to each night. And no matter how busy or stressed I am feeling, there is always someone there with a funny remark or a much crazier life to make me feel better!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

christmas junk- a tale of nature versus nurture

The nature versus nurture debate occurs often in our home. We look at our son across the room, humming to himself as he plays with his train and we wonder - was he born with that fondness for trains or did we stoke that love? Both my husband and I had train sets when we were young and we both still enjoy all things railroad.

I am a somewhat impatient person. I talk to the cars in front of me, gently reminding them that the light has TURNED GREEN. I cannot sit through slow movies or read slow books, and I will lose interest if the web page is too slow to load. I am fairly confident that I have passed this impatience on to my son.

When I was a kid I was always singing. I hummed to myself while playing with my dolls and now I listen to my son do the same thing. He hums while he eats, he sings while he plays with his monster trucks... He loves to play musical instruments and easily learns musical terms- he uses "adagio" for "slow", as in, "You are pushing the grocery cart too adagio, Mommy, go presto!" Did I give him his love of music by sharing my love with him?

My husband loves sports. Especially Cleveland sports. He watches basketball, baseball, football. He watches the shows that prepare us for the game we are about to watch, and then he watches the shows that dissect the game we just viewed. Sometimes he watches games that were played 20 years ago. He plays sports video games. And Matthew? My little three year old can name all the teams in the NFL simply by looking at their logo. He has a favorite player- Joshua Cribbs and he loves to play Madden on the Wii. By the age of two he knew who Lebron was, and now he knows that "we don't like Lebron, mommy". He loves to play football, running around the backyard with his ball trying to tackle mommy and daddy. He even gets in trouble at day care every so often for tackling his buddies. OK, more that every so often, but he is getting better. His love of sports? Passed on to him by daddy.

This year Matthew is super excited about Christmas. He loves watching the holiday decorations going up around town. "Look, mommy, even the grocery store is getting ready for Christmas!" As we were walking to the car last night after running an errand we could see a few houses with tasteful holiday lights glowing. "Look, mommy! Those houses are ready for Christmas!" We then got in the car and headed down the street, right past a house completely covered in lights. Blazing lights of every color, shining down on a front yard full of holiday joy. Every inch of this front yard held a dazzling holiday decoration- reindeer bobbing their heads up and down, inflatable snow globes with Santa trapped inside, giant basketball player sized candy canes. My little guy piped up from the back seat, "Look, mommy! Look at all that Christmas junk!" Christmas junk? Now who did he inherit that from? Out of the mouths of babes...

christmas junk?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

my current favorite things list

my current favorite things...

homemade berry bliss muffins. strawberry and blueberry heaven.


matthew's new responsibility chart. he calls the magnets "stickers" and he can't wait to earn them. we have been using for 7 days, and have had 7 days of my 3 year old making his bed, helping to set the table, getting dressed by himself... nirvana via little round smiley face magnets...
my favorite holiday mug. i like it so much i don't even store it with the christmas decorations. it is really big and can hold lots of hot chocolate, irish coffee, or lose leaf tea.


Dax the Wonder zhu zhu pet. this is MY new toy, and I love it! Plus, it is great fun to turn him loose in the kitchen when the cat is about...


other things I am currently absolutely thrilled about...

  • Starbucks red cup is back. There is something about this simple color change from traditional white and green to holiday red that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...
  • the fact that two people I really like have recently told me they are pregnant. I am so happy for both of them! (and this time I really mean it- possibly for the first time in years, I am honestly thrilled when I hear of a pending birth- and that feels really really good.)
  • my current view from the kitchen table- both my boys on the living room floor building a monster train track. awwww.