Traditions

Last night, as my husband and I were snuggled up in the basement family room, me reading on my phone and petting the puppy, my husband watching Lebron bring basketball back to Cleveland, it hit me. "Tomorrow is Halloween!", I exclaimed, sitting up abruptly and accidentally pushing Marley Pup to the floor. "The Great Pumpkin needs to come tonight!". My husband visibly rolled his eyes. And I agree- it might seem silly to rush around and set out little trinkets for every holiday. Maybe. But to me, it's a memory. It's excitement. It's a tradition I started when my oldest son first joined our family. His first American holiday with his new family was the Fourth of July. He was so pleased with his little flag and star spangled stuffed bear. And I was pleased with his sweet smiley reaction. A tradition was born.

As the years have passed I have witnessed my oldest son sharing his excitement about this holiday tradition with his little brother. I know it won't be long before I will have to navigate the maze of one kid starting to question how these trinkets show up every holiday while one little one still full on believes. But for now, for a short while longer, I can enjoy sneaking around the kitchen late at night, setting out whatever little gift I found. Placing it on the kitchen table, at each boy's seat. The lights low, the hour late, it almost feels as though the warmth in the house is brought out exclusively by the fuzzy feelings of love these family traditions bring on. This glow follows me upstairs as I sneak in to each boy's room, checking on them, pulling blankets up, (on the oldest), and down off the face, ( of the youngest). It sticks with me as I wash my face and climb into bed. I fall asleep amid memories of past holiday mornings. The St. Patrick's Day when my oldest found a small watercolor set waiting for him. The Valentine's Day that both boys found new heart themed plates and cups waiting on the table for breakfast. The July Fourth that brought blinking star sunglasses.

And those memories are amazing, sure. But it is what is underneath those little gifts that bring the true power of family traditions. The memory of sitting at the kitchen table painting with my son. Those heart themed plates? We still use them. And they still make me smile.

Family Meeting Night. Chinese Tea Parties. Apple picking. Christmas lights viewing. New Christmas books to read at bedtime. Bedrooms filled with birthday balloons. And little inexpensive gifts for holidays, always waiting on the kitchen table, ready to greet my boys as they bound down the steps in the morning. Family traditions are important. I already knew they were important to me. And every holiday, as I listen to my boys talk about the "Great Pumpkin", or the mysterious Valentine's Day gift giver, I begin to understand more and more how very important holiday traditions are to my boys as well. This morning, while my oldest son slept, his little brother ran to his place at the table, exclaiming at the spider covered drinking cup and puffy Halloween stickers. As I was sitting down to join him, gently cradling my mug of steaming coffee, the lights low and the house quiet except for my son's giggles, I smiled at my sweet husband. The skeptical one. The roller of the eyes.

"You know, when I was a kid, I only had Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy visit my home. You are a very lucky boy.", my husband said, as he picked up the cup to get a closer look at the spooky spiders. I nodded my head in agreement, knowing that he understood why this tradition was so important to me. These two sweet boys had nothing. They came to us malnourished, scared, with no understanding of family or love. I want to give them the world. And I know that giving them the world really means giving them pieces of me to carry with them as they grow.

Family traditions. Tonight my boys will bounce into the house after school, ready to throw on their costumes and rush out into the damp rainy evening collecting candy from our new neighbors. But not before they eat a delicious dinner of meatball mummies with "bloody" tomato dipping sauce. (I am the mom of boys, after all!) This weekend we will cut out colorful construction paper leaves to write our "thankful thoughts" on. And throughout November, as I move about the kitchen, preparing meals, washing dishes, packing lunches, I will read and re-read each of those leaves, reminding myself of our many blessings. Big, like Forever Families, and small, like Coffee. Big to my boys, like Winning the Football Championship and small, like Crunching Leaves Under Our Feet as We Walk the Dog.

Creating these thankful thoughts won't be easy for my boys. Tracing the leaves, cutting them out- that they can do. But thinking thankful thoughts, reminding yourself to enjoy the small bits of life in between the big stuff- that is something that must be modeled and taught. Another positive result of family traditions, teaching stuff our kids need to know but don't always pick up on their own.

And after that we will move on to our next family tradition, marking the change in seasons and the growth in my family, as little trinkets go from matchbox cars to football cards, to God only knows what a teenage boy would find fun. Giving little gifts is fun for me, sure. Building memories, establishing a strong sense of family, teaching my boys to appreciate the little joys in life, and sharing with them the joys of anticipation, that is what creating family traditions is really about. Family traditions help to define our lives. They can provide a strong sense of safety and can ground us in this confusing world. 

 So this one has passed. And I am already dreaming of  turkey shaped erasers and heart covered pencils, (in blue, for my boys, of course!).

watching the bubble of innocence slowly dissolve

Sometimes it is physically painful to me to watch my boys learn the tough life lessons. Feelings that seem second nature to us as adults were often learned through heartache and confusion when we were small, and seeing my big four and a half year old struggle through learning these same lessons is so hard. I am proud and sad at the same time, which occasionally makes me wish I was one of those people who could just turn off my feelings. You know the kind- very little bothers them, life's lessons are just that, lessons, and certainly nothing to be feeling anything at all about. But I am not one of those people. When I was a young driver I hit a bunny on one of the winding country roads that surrounded my childhood home. When I got home I remember being so upset as I recounted the story to my mother, and I will never forget what my older sister said. "You know, that bunny probably just hopped off into the woods to die- you probably should have just backed over it again and killed it right then, to put it out of it's misery."

Now, my sister didn't believe this. She wasn't a masochistic bunny killer in her younger years. She was just being mean to her younger sister, a normal and favorite past time of older siblings around the world. But those words were devastating to me. The idea that that poor little injured bunny would drag itself into the woods to die stuck in my too sensitive brain for weeks after that day. And that is not the only snapshot of sadness I carry around. I have always been very sensitive and injustices, whether they happen to me or to someone else, have always stuck with me. Which makes it hard to watch my kids struggle to learn life's lessons. But I have to let them learn. I have to let them make their own mistakes.

Yesterday the day care/preschool held the Christmas parties for the children. Both of my boys' classes celebrated with a hot dog lunch, cookies, Jesus stickers, and a book gift exchange. I like the fact that the teachers ask for a book for the gift exchange and I took my time selecting age appropriate and fun books. My tiny toddler came home with a peek a boo type book featuring a dog, one of his favorite animals. Score! My four and half year old received a book that he likes, sure, but as he was telling me about his party in the car on the way home from school it was clear that there was another book that another child received that he would have preferred. He was sad as he told me about this other book, and I know it sounds crazy, but it broke my heart a little. He was well behaved during the party, he thanked his friend for the book he received and he didn't ask for the one he wanted. He understood that he couldn't have it. He learned a lesson about grace and thankfulness in a way that is so much better than me just explaining it to him.

But I learned a little lesson too. My big four and half year old's bubble of innocence is slowly starting to dissolve. He is aware of the news of the world. He knows that there was a "bad man" on the loose near his school once, over a year ago, and he still talks about that day every so often. He knows that something happened to the people of America before he was born that we remember every September and he went through a phase where all of his drawings included American flags for all those people who had "hurt loved ones". He has already lost his first grandparent and occasionally draws cemeteries, telling me that these are the stones we use to remember people. He still talks about his pet fish, Stewart, who swam away to the ocean through his bathroom sink. (don't judge me. we totally panicked when my husband accidentally poured the poor fish down the drain with the water from the fish bowl.)

He is such a sweet and loving little boy. I am not ready for that bubble to shatter completely. And I know, it will take time for that to happen. But he is going to be five years old in two months. He will start kindergarten next Fall. He will be riding the school bus and spending more time with older kids. I won't have as much control over his little world and who he interacts with, I won't be able to protect him as much as I do now. Which I am acutely aware of, and which made me want to drive my sweet little boy straight to the book store yesterday to buy him that book he really wanted. I didn't. But I really wanted to.

holiday lights and happy tears

 Saturday night we strapped the kiddos into the car and drove them to Alum Creek State Park to see the Festival of Lights. Oh. My. God. Breath taking. It was a wonderful night. It was more wonderful than I could have imagined and I was totally filled with the holiday spirit. And knowing how that night have could have gone oh so badly makes the memories even better.

Maybe we take too many trips back home to Cleveland. My husband has a large family- two sisters with seven kids between them. With holidays, birthdays, football games, baseball games, extended family in town - there are times that it seems we are constantly driving up and down Route 71. And so maybe, just maybe, this is why my big four and a half year old distrusts us when we say we won't be in the car very long, this time. He is tall and solid for an almost five year old but he is very slim and let's face it, he's a little bony. And so he is probably not exaggerating when he tells me his "bum bum" hurts. So maybe this was why he didn't want to take a drive to see holiday lights. He started complaining about it the moment I mentioned it and didn't stop for an entire week. His whining drove me to this statement:
"You WILL NOT ruin this for me. I will see Christmas lights with or without you, and if you come and whine the entire time you will not watch TV until you are 10!"

I know. Crazy. Totally over the top. But seriously. This kid was driving me crazy. Who doesn't enjoy Christmas lights? He LOVES them at home. Our battle raged all week. And then, the night arrived. As we sat at the breakfast table talking about the day ahead he cheered when I reminded him he would be going to China School later that morning. He clapped when I mentioned that China School also meant martial arts class. He smiled when I talked about how he and I would need to make the home made hot cocoa mix for his teachers. And he folded his little arms across his chest, stomped his foot, and stated. "I DO NOT want to go look at Christmas junk!", when I mentioned our planned drive that evening. Sigh.

I fed everyone an early dinner and shoved little feet into little shoes and little heads into hats. I pushed the big four and half year old into the bathroom to "try before we go", even though he was positive he didn't have to. He did. I changed the tiny toddler's diaper. I dug out the entrance money to the park. We strapped everyone in and programmed Bernice, our GPS. And the "when will we get there" questions started before Bernice even got to step "four". And let's face it- we all know how to get out of our own neighborhood, which takes about four steps. So my big four and a half year old was subscribing to the "complain early and often" theory. Sigh.

We get close to the park, which is not too far from where my husband used to work, and my husband, God bless him, refuses to follow Bernice's directions. She has access to satellites full of up to the minute information, but he was stubborn convinced he was right. He didn't know where the park was, but he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he knew it was not the way we were being led. Sigh.

In our house we measure time by Special Agent Oso. Special Agent Oso is a strange little yellow panda bear who, frankly, is just a mess. How this bear manages to even get his special agent vest on every morning, let alone solve problems like how to eat with chopsticks or how to brush your teeth is beyond me. But Oso comes on in fifteen minute segments, so we tell time in fifteen minute segments too. "We will be there in less than two Oso's.", is often heard in our car. And we were less than one Oso away from fulfilling one of my holiday traditions, seeing the lights.

We never hung lights on our little home in Kent when I was a kid. We had a tree and stockings and we hung the cards we received on the stairs, but we reserved our front yard for our "bag people". I loved our bag people. I wouldn't be caught dead with a large plastic baby Jesus in my front yard now, but as a kid, I loved them. I called them bag people because when they weren't gracing our front yard they were living in bags, stored in the rafters in the garage. I always have a flood of warm holiday memories sneak up on me when I see my beloved bag people in some one's front yard.

And along with the bag people we also took drives to see the lights around town. We visited the store fronts in downtown Akron, checking out the annual Christmas displays. We drove around town looking at individual homes lit up like Christmas trees. We drove my grandparents into Cleveland to see the large power company lighting display. And we often drove to Oglebay Park  to drive through their light show. My dad loved his Christmas light drives. And I love them too. And no one, especially no child of mine, was going to ruin that for me. We were less than one Oso away!

The questions continued. "Why are those guys standing in the middle of the road, Mommy?" (They were collecting entrance fees.) "Where are the lights? I don't see any lights." (Be patient!) "Alex doesn't want to be here either, Mommy. Why is he crying?" "When are we going home?" (Oh. My. God.) The questions continued to be lobbed at my ears like little missiles, broken only by the occasional complaint about bums and the quiet whimpers from the tiny toddler. Whimpers that threated to escalate into full blown screaming at any moment. And then we turned the corner and our entire front windshield exploded into light. The entire car went silent as though enveloped in a warm, magical blanket. And then one word floated breathlessly from the backseat. "Wow."

And then the backseat erupted into cheers and applause. Score!

My big four and a half year old did not stop cheering and chattering excitedly the entire drive through that park. He pointed to every display, asking me what words the lights were spelling and pointing out out the ones he thought his little brother would enjoy the most. "Look Alex, look over there, a school bus!" "Alex! A train! No, Alex, not over there- look over here, Alex, a train!"

one of my favorite displays- a snowman band!

As my husband concentrated on driving through the muddy campground with the headlights off I sank down in my seat, tears in my eyes from the joyfulness of my kids. I had really wanted this. But I had wanted it for me. I wanted to see the lights. I didn't think I really cared if my boys enjoyed it or not. They had plenty of other holiday fun going on- this drive to see lights was for me. Or so I thought. But as I squinted to see the lights through my tears I understood. I know how my husband felt when he took our big four and half year, then about three years old, to his first Cleveland Browns football game. My husband loves the Browns. And seeing his son start to feed his growing love of all things football had to have been a very special moment for him. I understood. My favorite holiday tradition, one that reminds me of great times with my own dad, was being thoroughly enjoyed by my own boys. And I learned that seeing Christmas lights through happy tears makes them look even more beautiful. 

and mommy cried

I love the Christmas season. I always have.  when I was a little girl our whole family would come to our home on Christmas day. My grandparents would come over for breakfast and we would be wearing the new pajamas my parents had given us the night before as an early Christmas present. We would check out our stockings, which I later learned were put together solely by my father. He would shop for little trinkets for each of his girls- my mom, my sister, and me, and then stuff our red velvet stockings full of his shopping finds and candy. When he passed away the three of us kind of floundered that first Christmas without him. It just seemed wrong to even think about having stockings, so we left them in the decorations box, stored away, a momento of times passed. Eventually my mother stopped decorating all together, a sign that it really was my dad who pulled the family together.

I met my husband in January of 2000. So by the time Christmas rolled around we had been dating for a year. Even though we didn't marry until September of 2002 we knew that first Christmas where things were headed. I put up my mother's old tree at my apartment and my sweet husband to be insisted we buy a new angel for the top, because "every family needs their own traditions." I knew right after those words came out of his mouth that I was never going to let him go!

We have had many amazing Christmas' together. We spent one at the cabin on the lake my in laws own. The lake was icy, the house was covered in snow- it was breathtakingly beautiful. Our quiet Christmas in front of the fire, just the two of us, is one I will always remember. Our first Christmas in our little apartment in Cleveland where I made waffles for a Christmas breakfast for my sister and mom. That apartment, which we still own so I may get to live there again one day, had that beautiful old dark wood around the doors and windows and so I hung our Christmas cards around the entrance to the living room, just like my grandmother always had done at her home in Firestone Park.

Yes, I have some great Christmas memories. I also have some not so good memories, holidays where everyone else was celebrating the joy of children and I well, wasn't. Those holidays weren't so easy. Then we brought our big four and a half year old into our lives and Christmas lit up for me in a way it never had before. The video from Santa, the "Elf Yourself" video he loves so much. The visit to Santa and the hot chocolate. The Christmas parade. The lights. The presents. And the church daycare Christmas play. That first year, when my little guy wasn't quite two years old yet, only home six months, he stood up on that stage, totally confused and unsure. He shook his jingle bells like a pro though. And mommy cried. The next year he stood up there with his toddler class and sang some of the words to the song while he boogied down- the only toddler outright dancing. And mommy laughed. And cried.

Last night mommy cried again. This time I had two little ones up on that stage. My big four and a half year old, sitting with his class on the risers and wearing a sparkly halo. My tiny toddler being led out by his teacher and lifted up on the stage. He looked a little unsure and I could tell he was searching the crowd for a familiar face. He didn't sing a word of the song, but I didn't expect him to. He did, however, stay on the stage,managing not to fall off, so that was good. My big four and a half year old searched the crowd, found mommy, and signed "I love you". And mommy cried.

that's my tiny toddler on the end, in the blue sweater vest, making his Christmas play debut!

They grow up so quickly, don't they? This year my oldest son giggled with his buddies up on that stage, some sort of inside joke only the pre school set would understand. He didn't want to sit down and eat his cookies with mommy and daddy at the after show reception; he wanted to travel around the gym, talking to his friends. He even attempted to schedule a few play dates! He is so running for political office one day.

my Christmas boys!

I have planned for the holiday season. I have decorated the house. I have bought a few gifts, ordered the cards and gift tags. But last night, it finally felt like Christmas. And the house can be a mess, the money can be tight, the actual day might include travel when we would like to stay home, but none of that matters. This year, with my two boys, with my family complete- this year is my year. This will be my best Christmas yet. And to make it even better, it won't end for a while. My little trans racial family will celebrate Christmas. Then Russian Christmas. Then, just as we are catching our breath it will be Chinese New Year. Yes, this is my year!

bring on the busy

Today is day # 4 of  100 Days to Christmas. So far I have added my calendar pages to my 100 Days to Christmas Binder. I had the "wish list" discussion with my family and jotted down what we plan to get the boys. Today's task is to set the budget, which is especially important this year with me not currently working. Since my husband and I have been talking about this already I know this task will not be difficult to complete. The remainder of the tasks for this week include making my gift recipient list and starting to think about gifts for every special person on my list, including any home made gifts I might choose to give. later in the week the tasks turn from thoughts of Christmas back to the current season, when I will be asked to finish decorating my home for Fall. Christmas made easy and relaxing, in just a few minutes a day!

I am also happy to report that we had a very busy weekend- busy for us, at least. Between the board meeting I participate in and the two classes my big four and a half year old takes my entire family spent the entire morning Saturday at China school. We left the house at 8:00am and didn't return until nearly 1:00. We then raced around getting the boys fed and getting ourselves ready for our anniversary date. When the sitter arrived, less than an hour after we got home from China school, we were ready and I was not doing my usual running around like a crazy person getting the house ready so as not to be judged by this person taking care of my children. It was awesome!

Between Friday night's tee ball game and Saturday's activities I still found time to stay on track with my daily cleaning and organizing and so was able to enjoy not just a great night out Saturday but a relaxing Sunday which included a family football game in the backyard, (my team lost. that tiny toddler just won't man up...) I also went to the baseball fields with the boys, something my husband would have done alone in the past because I would have felt like there was too much to do at home to go and run around the bases with my kids. I was able to relax at our dinner out because I wasn't mentally freaking out about all the household stuff waiting for me at home. Oh, and because we tried Alex in a booster seat for the first time and settled him in next to Daddy, who then spent the entire meal pushing him back down into his seat, pulling him off the table, taking silverware away from him.... When my older son was little he wouldn't sit anywhere but right by my side, so I was totally enjoying watching my husband be tortured for a change!

So another great weekend, more amazing memories, brought to you by strong organization. Bring on the busy!

"100 Days to Christmas" ebook review

Christmas is only a little over four months away. Four months! I don't know about you, but between Fall tee ball and flag football, Autumn Moon Festival, Halloween, apple picking, Thanksgiving, writing, working full time and managing the household, my time is somewhat limited. If you have been reading my blog for even a minute you know how I like to plan. I enjoy laundry that is clean, folded, and usually, put away. I enjoy a toy cluttered but overall clean home, with bedrooms and bathrooms that are worthy of sudden visits from the in-laws. I enjoy preparing healthy meals for my boys. I enjoy not having to tell my boys "we can play after Mommy finishes ________________. (fill in the blank with any typical household chore.) And I especially enjoy sitting in the quiet living room with my husband at the end of the day, relaxed because my life is in order. Not perfect, but at least very ordered chaos. And I am able to enjoy all of that because I like to plan.

If you are like me and you like to plan ahead then you have got to read "100 Days to Christmas" by Jennifer Tankersley. This ebook is chock full of motivation, ideas and family traditions and includes all the planning lists and guides you will need to pull off your most organized and budget friendly holiday season yet. The writer is the creator of http://www.listplanit.com/, an online community where users can share planning tips and lists for any occasion, from what to pack in the diaper bag to how to plan for a trip abroad. (both of which I have checked out...) I have been using ListPlanIt for a few years now and I would have to say that the site has been very helpful to me. The down loadable membership allows for the lists to be manipulated, which I really enjoy as I am never, ever, happy with the original list. I customize everything!

The "100 Days to Christmas" ebook is the offspring of http://100daystochristmas.com/, a holiday planning website also created by Jennifer Tankersley. The ebook is set up as a guide to be used daily, with motivation and advice culled from years of honing her holiday planning skills. After reading the ebook I am super excited about starting my holiday planning and I have already put together my holiday planning binder, using the instructions in the ebook.

I enjoyed the fact that this planning guide includes the seasonal activities and holidays leading up to Christmas, with suggestions for Fall family fun, Halloween activities, and Thanksgiving opportunities, all while sneaking in small Christmas related tasks. I appreciated that this guide mixes in every day activities like making a hearty Fall soup or taking a walk with your family to enjoy the colorful leaves. When it comes to actual holiday planning this guide is very comprehensive, covering how to help your children shop for gifts for each other, how to promote compassion and philanthropy in your family, how to create a holiday budget, and how to determine if home made gifts are right for you. The guide even includes those small tasks so many of us forget like buying stamps for all of those Christmas cards you'll be sending!

This ebook contains links to every list and planning guide mentioned, which is very helpful. While reading this book I found myself totally engrossed in the links, often staying on the linked site to read further information. This approach may have taken me a bit longer to read the book but was very educational. Plus, most readers probably won't be reading the entire book in one sitting, as it was designed to be read in small bits, day by day.

The only thing I found missing from this book is a list of events and activities for each month and or season. This ebook does discuss the importance of planning ahead to assure that no family tradition, both new and old, gets missed during this very busy time of year. It even provides links to calendar pages, which is useful, certainly. But I plan my family's seasonal activities a little differently. I list everything we want to do each month on a piece of paper, complete with seasonal clip art, and prominently display the list on a kitchen cupboard, crossing off each activity after we have completed it. I do this so that we don't forget any of the seasonal fun we had planned. A calendar just won't work the same for me, since when I plan the list I don't usually know which day of the month we will do each activity. For example, my September/October list looks like this:

wilkison family fun for september & october

• apple picking
• fall leaf hike
• pumpkin farm
• high school football game
• high school band competition
• halloween costumes
• grove city harvest market

Overall, I found "100 days to Christmas",  by Jennifer Tankersley, to be useful and motivational. This ebook is a well thought out balance of family traditions and traditional holiday tasks, laid out in an easy to use daily guide. It is available at http://100daystochristmas.com/  for $4.99. It is available in three formats; Kindle, Nook, or PDF. You can obtain the book for free with a paid membership to http://www.listplanit.com/.


Make this your best holiday season yet and get organized, today!

four weird things and christmas planning

Yesterday was a weird day, all around. After seeing my boys off to daycare, preschool and work I drove up to Brimfield. I'll wait while you consult a map and figure out where the heck Brimfield is. Got it? I was making this 2 1/2 hour trip to meet the junk guy at my mother's home. Somewhere between the death of my father a little over ten years ago and her move to an assisted living two years ago my mother managed to turn her small cape cod home into a mess that would rival the set of "Hoarders". Everything in that home was important to her, much of it purchased via late night television shows. Credit cards can be very dangerous in hands attached to an Alzheimer' addled brain.

My sister and I had already removed any items we wanted and there was still what appeared to be an entire household there. So we called 1-800-GOT-JUNK to haul it all away. They arrived with three men and a huge truck, which,believe it or not, was not large enough. Their customer service, however,was really great. So I was watching my mother's belongings being shoved onto a truck; her life, basically being thrown away. It was surreal. But there was nothing left in that house I wanted. We already walked away with the old family photos, all the cleaning supplies, fifty roles of toilet paper, and one juicy family secret. Surprised? Just wait. If you have not yet had to clean out your parents' home just wait. There are secrets lurking in that attic or basement...

So the junk removal was weird. The nosy neighbor who wanted to take everything in Mom's home was weird. I actually saw him taking stuff off the junk truck. What is he going to do with two sets of cheap knives and three table lamps that don't work? I feel bad for his children. Cleaning out his home is going to be challenging...

The earthquake was weird.

I stopped by my sister's house to drop off a few item before I left town. After playing with her sweet dogs the little one went off by himself and started barking and growling to himself. That was weird.

And then, after my long day I received a call while driving home that was more than a little weird. It seems that my new job, which was to begin in a few weeks, has now been pushed off another month due to "restructuring". Great. I am now officially unemployed.

God doesn't throw us more than we can handle, so I know this will all work out. Here's what I will be doing while I wait for my potential new job to start:

• hunt for another job, just in case something else goes wrong with the one I already have. Which really is a bummer, because the job I thought I was starting seemed like a perfect fit for my expanded family.
• pull the new little guy out of daycare, which he just started less than a month ago. Keep him home with me, part time, at least. OK, I am kind of excited about this!
• learn to stretch a dollar. even. further. This kind of sounds challenging.
• Clean out every closet in the house. This sounds horrible.
• Start planning for Fall and the upcoming Holiday season. To do this I am reading an advance copy of "100 Days to Christmas". I have been asked to write a review of this e-book so stay tuned.  It is a collaboration between the author and ListPlanIt.com, one of my favorite list making and planning websites. This new planning couldn't have come at a better time; now that we have two kids and one job (one and a half?),this is the year to plan, budget, and make it great!

let go of expectations but hang on to that Christmas candle!

Earlier today I stopped in to visit my mom. The assisted living where she lives is beautifully decorated for the holiday- twinkly lights on the trees lining the walkway to the door, large pine wreaths on the double glass doors leading in to the community. There is a beautiful tree in the living room, nestled next to the fireplace, which is festooned with pine garlands and large red and gold ornaments. My mom has been a little under the weather this week, which is something to watch due to her history with asthma. At one point earlier in the week her physician wanted her to go to the hospital but thanks to me not getting that message in a timely manner she never made it there, choosing instead to stay in her apartment and wait out whatever illness was lurking inside her. Today she is much better, so I can let go of the guilt of not hearing the phone ring at 4am on Tuesday.
When I arrived at her home today it was 15 minutes before the dining room opened for lunch. The usual crowd had gathered in the living room, right outside the closed dining room doors. I swear they put crack in the coffee there- everyone is always in such a hurry to get in that they pile up outside the doors! I scanned the room quickly and didn't see Mom so I headed to her apartment. Where she was not. Hmmmm.
When I headed back to the living room I saw her sitting in a wing backed chair by the fireplace, listening to a gentleman wearing a Santa hat play Christmas carols on the piano. I had completely missed her the first time I scanned the room. When I think of my mother I picture a short spry black haired woman. That is who I look for when I visit her community. I never find that woman though. Who I found today is who I always find these days; a gray haired, slightly hunched over older woman. She just blends in with all the other nicely dressed gray haired ladies sitting in the living room listening to a gentleman in a Santa hat play carols on the piano.
I realized today during my short visit with Mom that she is having a better holiday season at her assisted living home than she ever would have had home alone. Even though my family will be heading to Cleveland on Christmas day and she will be alone, she has had a steady parade church visitors, carolers, music programs, day care visitors, and cookie baking activities. She has been surrounded by beautifully decorated rooms and the constant notes of Christmas music. She will see the community associates she has come to know and like, and sometimes, rely on. She will not be alone on Christmas day, save for the few hours we manage to spend with her as we split our time between two sets of in-laws. Another guilt I need to let go of. My mother will be fine on Christmas.
I receive a daily email from Whole Living magazine sharing a daily action plan. Short, simple ways to live more simply, more greenly, (OK, I am pretty sure that is not a word, but just go with it.) Today's plan: shifting holiday expectations and learning to appreciate the little things. This is a great action item for me because I have spent the past year working on this. Adding balance and peace to my family's life has been a goal of mine since last year, and I feel as though my efforts have been successful. But this little bit of advice couldn't have come at a better time. In my usual fashion I had planned out this entire holiday season. Our "family fun" list was completed, our weekly calendars with schedules and meal planning were done. I knew what day I was addressing the Christmas cards and what day we would be visiting Santa. I wedged a family trip to New York City into our plans, thankfully planned and successfully carried out by my husband. And now, three days before Christmas here I am with all the gifts purchased, cards in the mail, great memories of our trip and the sweetest photo of my little guy and Santa. The only thing left on my "to do" list is wrapping those presents and making a salad for Christmas dinner at my mother-in-law's home. So I am feeling pretty good. Our church is holding an "Eve Before You Leave" service tonight for all those people who find themselves traveling and unable to attend a service on Christmas Eve. We will be home on Friday but that will be our Christmas celebration so I am looking forward to attending the candle light service tonight. I am feeling very peaceful. (I know,can't you just picture the angels singing above my head?) But the reason I am feeling so serene is because I have been totally doing all month what that action plan asked me to do today. I stopped sweating the small stuff. I let go of the guilt of not being with my mother on Christmas. I bought smaller gifts for family and friends.I changed up the way we normally do our holiday open house to accommodate our new friends and everyone's growing families.  I brought home bakery Christmas cookies instead of dealing with the mess and hard work of making them myself. I let go of expectations, and so far, it has been an amazing holiday season!

replace that toy box with an amp and my living room with a bar and you've got my senior year in college.

Last Saturday we held our annual holiday gathering. We invited the usual suspects, old friends from college, a handful of my marketing cohorts, friends from church. We also invited a few of our new friends from our central ohio families with children from china group. Some old friends couldn't make it, some marketing cohorts had sick little ones, and before you know it we had a brand new party on our hands. Our home was filled with the sounds of children racing up and down the stairs from the toy box in the living room to the toy box in Matthew's room. Christmas music played in the kitchen and parents chatted with each other while keeping watch over little ones. Matthew's play kitchen became a restaurant  with crazy "soup nazi" type servers, cute little girls in party dresses forcing trays of plastic peas and hot dogs on party guests. Actually, one served while the other chased after her shouting that the meal was not yet cooked and must be brought back to the kitchen immediately. His train set appeared and soon one red head and two black haired heads were bent over the track pieces, deep in a discussion of the best way to set it up. Every so often a daddy would jump in with his two cents.
Little cars and trucks were pushed around the kitchen and at one point a full fledged football game appeared to be in process in the living room, with my son pitted against a friend of ours from church. An adult friend of ours... I finally had to hide the football or my little guy never would have let our friend sit down again.
Towards the end of the evening, which was a tad earlier than usual due to the young crowd, I spotted my young son, sporting his KISS t-shirt, standing on top of his toy box with his play microphone up to his mouth, other hand in the air, finger pointed to the sky, yelling "Rock and Roll!" It doesn't seem so long ago that I remember my friend's pulling similar stunts. Replace that toy box with an amp and my living room with a bar and you've got my senior year in college.
I remember parties when I was younger where my guests might spill a little beer on the floor as they partied the night away. This year we had a few minor juice box incidents instead. After the alcoholic soaked party days we moved into the wine and board game phase, which has now been replaced with candy land and uno. I worked my way from kitchen to living room and back throughout the night, stepping over little ones playing on the floor, occasionally stopping to right a toddler or refill a drink. It was a totally different party for us, and I loved every minute of it.

as green as I could go, or "Where did baby Alex's nose get to?"

I love Christmas cards. When I was a little girl we would tape each card we received to the stairs, so that they were hanging over the piano and were easy to see from the entire living room. My grandmother used to hang her cards from the polished wood door frame between the living room and the dining room- a beautiful large entryway covered with colorful holiday greetings. My husband's family never displayed their cards in this way, which explains the weird looks and protests I received our first year together when I hung our cards from the wide wood entryway between our dining room and living room in our old house in Cleveland, a la Grandma Evelyn. (Or Grandma Iguana, but that is a story for another day.)

Here in our current home I tape each card to the door to our garage, which is somewhat of a focal point in our downstairs. When the garage door fills up with holiday cheer I start in on the basement door, off the kitchen. I love to look at the pictures of smiling babies and family vacations, dogs in Santa hats, and home made cards. I am careful to tape the card to the door in just the right way; so it stays closed and stays on the door but yet so I can still open it enough to read the signature. I rearrange the cards on the door as new ones arrive, creating an intricate puzzle of jingle bells and snowmen. I really, really love my Christmas cards.

Brad and I used to go round and round about which cards to send each year. We would fight about this because he has bad taste and I am sane. Here's my thought process: unless you are going to help address the envelopes and write a cheery note inside the card then you get no vote in the selection of the card. A picture of Santa that looks like I travelled back to 1972 to buy is not what I am looking for in a Christmas card. (note to all 1970's Santa card senders: I LOVE LOVE LOVE your cards! They are so retro! Keep up the good work!)

We fought about those darned cards every year until I accidentally realized the joys of benadryl and the drugs amazing effect on my husband. He will hold my hand, sing to me, pet my hair as though I am the family dog, and agree to everything I say. Seriously, I realized this by accident. One happy accident...

So the big benadryl induced hazy holiday shopping trip resulted in me, and me alone, picking out that year's Christmas cards. Brad was there, at the store, he might have even been in the card aisle with me, but he certainly was not "present". Oh, those cards were so pretty that year...

The next year I considered raiding the medicine cabinet for the benadryl. Don't judge me. These cards are that important. I did not, however, drug my husband. I did, though, remind him that I had selected the cards the previous year and the world had not stopped spinning. He caved. Victory! And ever since then, I shop for our holiday cards, I address them, and I get them in the mail without my husband even looking at them. He has no clue what card we have sent out unless he happens to see one at a friend's or relatives home.

This year I spent a lot of time thinking about our cards. While I love getting the photo cards in the mail and I certainly would benefit from the ease of creating and ordering them, I prefer to send out a more traditional card. Simply a family preference. I love this world we live in where I can contact friends via facebook, email, and text. I enjoy the ease of these types of contacts as well as the trees these correspondences save. But can I let go of my Christmas cards in lieu of a greener greeting? I love the whole Christmas card process. Checking out the cards in the stores for a few weeks before finally making my purchase. Snuggling on the sofa with my hot coffee in my favorite Christmas mug, Matthew's sleepy breathing noises shouting at us from the baby monitor, addressing envelopes and signing each card, thinking about the family or friend who will receive it. And yes, I did say the baby monitor would be shouting at us. I have it turned up really high so that I can hear every noise my little guy makes. That's right, I am one of those moms. I finally decided he was old enough to turn it down and was loving our new, quieter, evenings when his asthma kicked back into high gear, prompting me to crank the monitor back up. Along with the higher noise level comes a myriad of questions to my husband as I attempt to dissect each breathy sound. Really makes for a special night with my husband...

I couldn't do it. I wanted to go green but I just couldn't let go of this tradition I enjoy so much. So I did the next best thing; I went as green as I could go without losing the paper card completely. If you have not yet purchased your holiday cards here are some eco-friendly options for you:


SnapFish – Choose Snapfish’s premium holiday cards by Paper Culture. They have a cool Cards to Trees promotion--with every order, Snapfish will plant a tree in your honor. Their 100% post-consumer recycled and FSC-certified cards and envelopes are produced with wind power, which I think is uber cool.

Tiny Prints – I love Tiny Prints! We have used their service before, and I love the cards. All of their products and packaging feature either FSC-certified or post-consumer recycled paper.


Night Owl Paper Goods. – These super cool, folksy cards are printed on eco-friendly, sustainably-harvested birch wood. They also do photo cards.


My Good Greetings – All holiday photo cards are printed on 100% recycled, FSC-certified matte card stock. They have a wide selection of cards.

And when the holidays are over? Instead of throwing away all those paper cards glue them to cardboard (from cereal or shoe boxes), and create puzzles. "Where did baby Alex's nose get to?" and "Who has Max the Dog's tail?" make great puzzle time conversations.

Side note: we received our first Christmas card earlier this week. My sister is way ahead of the Christmas game, apparently. I mean, I just bought my cards today and she had already created, ordered, addressed and mailed hers. Some of the joy of opening her card was gone, however, seeing as I saw the card in person last Saturday when she left them on the seat of her car and I hitched a ride to our second annual Kirk family holiday bowling extravaganza. Still, though. It was our first card, and I love Christmas cards!

christmas junk- a tale of nature versus nurture

The nature versus nurture debate occurs often in our home. We look at our son across the room, humming to himself as he plays with his train and we wonder - was he born with that fondness for trains or did we stoke that love? Both my husband and I had train sets when we were young and we both still enjoy all things railroad.

I am a somewhat impatient person. I talk to the cars in front of me, gently reminding them that the light has TURNED GREEN. I cannot sit through slow movies or read slow books, and I will lose interest if the web page is too slow to load. I am fairly confident that I have passed this impatience on to my son.

When I was a kid I was always singing. I hummed to myself while playing with my dolls and now I listen to my son do the same thing. He hums while he eats, he sings while he plays with his monster trucks... He loves to play musical instruments and easily learns musical terms- he uses "adagio" for "slow", as in, "You are pushing the grocery cart too adagio, Mommy, go presto!" Did I give him his love of music by sharing my love with him?

My husband loves sports. Especially Cleveland sports. He watches basketball, baseball, football. He watches the shows that prepare us for the game we are about to watch, and then he watches the shows that dissect the game we just viewed. Sometimes he watches games that were played 20 years ago. He plays sports video games. And Matthew? My little three year old can name all the teams in the NFL simply by looking at their logo. He has a favorite player- Joshua Cribbs and he loves to play Madden on the Wii. By the age of two he knew who Lebron was, and now he knows that "we don't like Lebron, mommy". He loves to play football, running around the backyard with his ball trying to tackle mommy and daddy. He even gets in trouble at day care every so often for tackling his buddies. OK, more that every so often, but he is getting better. His love of sports? Passed on to him by daddy.

This year Matthew is super excited about Christmas. He loves watching the holiday decorations going up around town. "Look, mommy, even the grocery store is getting ready for Christmas!" As we were walking to the car last night after running an errand we could see a few houses with tasteful holiday lights glowing. "Look, mommy! Those houses are ready for Christmas!" We then got in the car and headed down the street, right past a house completely covered in lights. Blazing lights of every color, shining down on a front yard full of holiday joy. Every inch of this front yard held a dazzling holiday decoration- reindeer bobbing their heads up and down, inflatable snow globes with Santa trapped inside, giant basketball player sized candy canes. My little guy piped up from the back seat, "Look, mommy! Look at all that Christmas junk!" Christmas junk? Now who did he inherit that from? Out of the mouths of babes...

christmas junk?

my current favorite things list

my current favorite things...

homemade berry bliss muffins. strawberry and blueberry heaven.

matthew's new responsibility chart. he calls the magnets "stickers" and he can't wait to earn them. we have been using for 7 days, and have had 7 days of my 3 year old making his bed, helping to set the table, getting dressed by himself... nirvana via little round smiley face magnets...

my favorite holiday mug. i like it so much i don't even store it with the christmas decorations. it is really big and can hold lots of hot chocolate, irish coffee, or lose leaf tea.

Dax the Wonder zhu zhu pet. this is MY new toy, and I love it! Plus, it is great fun to turn him loose in the kitchen when the cat is about...

other things I am currently absolutely thrilled about...

• Starbucks red cup is back. There is something about this simple color change from traditional white and green to holiday red that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...
• the fact that two people I really like have recently told me they are pregnant. I am so happy for both of them! (and this time I really mean it- possibly for the first time in years, I am honestly thrilled when I hear of a pending birth- and that feels really really good.)
• my current view from the kitchen table- both my boys on the living room floor building a monster train track. awwww.