can't change the players, so change the game. my new household management system

If you have been reading my blog for a while then you know that I have been on a quest to find the perfect home cleaning system for my family. If you are new around here, you can read about my household migraines  management attempts here.  And here.  And here.  I have yet to find the perfect system for my family, but one thing has become painfully clear. It's not the system that is the problem, it's my family. Those of you living in testosterone filled glass houses know what I am saying. Messy. Clueless. Cupboards always open. Drawers never quite closed all the way. Did I say clueless?

I have also figured something else out along the way. For about a year I have been dealing with wild mood swings. I am 42 years old and have been through two invitro fertilizations, and all that that implies. The drugs, the shots... There is one camp that says these drugs have lasting effects on our hormones, and one that says we are all crazy. (Well, the aforementioned camp does put it a little more nicely...) I firmly believe that these drugs, coupled with my age, are having an affect on my mood. But the weird moods started in Russia, when I was left all alone with my new son. So part of the issue was probably homesickness and missing my number one son. Then there was the whole post adoption depression and the year of attachment behavior issues. There was my leaving corporate America and my husband losing his job. So really, who knows which of the about a million reasons was responsible for my anguish. But I figured it out. Just the other day, it hit me.

I was watching my sweet husband steam mop the kitchen floor and I suddenly realized how relaxed I was. How peaceful. How, dare I say, happy. And I knew. My mood is directly linked to the cleanliness of my kitchen floor.

So great. Now I know. But here's where the other shoe drops. Hormones I can see a doctor for. Getting help from my family to keep our home clean? Not so easy. I have made lists, but no one reads them. (To their credit, only 1.5 of them can really read.) I have posted small lists in each room. I have made hand written lists every day. I have texted and emailed lists. nothing. works. at. all. nothing. I have asked nicely. I have asked sarcastically. I have cried. I have had total melt downs. And I repeat. nothing. works. at. all. sigh.

Figuring out an answer to this problem is important to me. I feel that it is my responsibility to provide a calm and peaceful atmosphere to all those who enter our home. I make sure the entry way lights are on before my husband walks through the door after work. I keep the flame less candles burning on the mantle in the evening, helping to set a calm tone for  before bedtime play. I play quiet music during dinner. Mother of boys, we know the secret. We must let them run and jump and scream and be joyful and messy, but we also must help them find ways to slow down and find their peaceful inner selves. And that goes for myself and my sweet husband as well. We are calmer when the house is pulled together. We are more at peace with each other when we can relax and be together without total chaos going on around us. So believe me when I say that I can't truly emphasis how important this is to me.


I have tried every system I can find, and created a few of my own. And each and every one of them would work  if it were just me. But it's not just me and I have to face the fact that I live with boys. (Does that line remind anyone else of Friends?  Sometimes I feel like crying just like Monica did at the thought  of moving in with a dreaded boy.) But I knew I couldn't keep banging my head against the wall. And I knew that it was my place to teach at least two of my three boys how to be responsible and organized, and, well, clean. I also know that it is just easier if I do everything myself. But here's the thing - I work full time too. I do the laundry and the cooking and the shopping. I manage our schedules and provide a large amount of the taxi driving for the boys. My sweet husband works full time. And then he works some more. And then some more. He takes care of the yard. He does at least 80% of the boys' baths and some of the errands. He is busy too. But at 9:00 at night, after the boys are in bed and the house is quiet, I do not want to be cleaning. To me, that is unacceptable.

Before I quit my job, when Alex first came home, we had help with cleaning our house.  With someone coming in every two weeks to totally clean the entire house I was easily able to keep up with the day to day stuff. And I didn't need any help from my family. But those days are over and now we have two boys and  I need help. I still have my household management binder and I still follow flylady. But that is just for me- I can't expect my boys to have a clue about any of that. So I moved my system to a location they can't miss and I simplified it.

For $15.00 I purchased clear plastic magnetic photo holders- I love these photo holders because they lay very flat on the side of the fridge, which is great for a small space. Six of these fit the space on the side of my fridge nicely. The top row shows our tasks for the day, week, and month.  The bottom row shows my boys helping my family lists. I think it is important to not call these chores. No one likes to do chores. But every child needs to learn the importance of helping his or her family.

The bottom middle photo  holder holds our family fun. This is the list of family activities we plan to do each month or season. I started this a few years back because I found we were missing seasonal activities that we really would have enjoyed. I used to tape this list to my kitchen cupboard but now it has found a home on my household management wall.

A colorful dry erase marker works well to mark off the tasks as they are completed and the frames wipe clean with a damp cloth.  Your lists will be your lists, of course, suited to your family's needs. Check out my lists here. This system is so simple and so easy to make changes to your lists!

Now for the million dollar question. Is it working? Well, we have been using it for about a week, maybe two. And I have been diligent and vocal in checking off the tasks. My sons have jumped on board and are thrilled to be checking items off their list. Their shoes are almost always in the shoe bin by the front door. The big five year old's bed is almost always made. They both LOVE scrubbing their assigned sinks and they fight over the dry erase marker when it's time to check the list. My sweet husband? Not so much, yet. But he is hearing me talk about the lists, he is watching me check items off. The day will come, I know, that he will walk up to the lists, pick a task, and complete it. Just like life, this is a work in progress. But unlike other systems, this one is visable, easily changed, and provides much needed motivation for at least two of my three boys. It's a start...

finding the right work from home balance

In my previous life as a corporate director of sales and marketing I worked out of a home based office. Or at least that is what my job description said. In reality, I was rarely in my home office. I was usually traveling Tuesday through Thursday, often away from home overnight, and when I was in my office I could almost always be found with the phone strapped to my ear on a conference call. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I frequently had calls that would last for 6 hours. Thank goodness for the mute button is all I'm saying... I was always working.

When I left that position I took a year off to stay home and help my new little one adjust to life in America, life in a family, life with a Mommy and Daddy. It was an unplanned year, as many of you know. I was supposed to take the position I have now but it was put on hold for a year. And while at the time it may have led to some panic at the thought of going from a corporate salary to no salary, it was, in fact, the best thing I could have done for my little family. As always, God had a plan and I just needed to let it happen. And while my little one is not yet quite where he needs to be, he is so much further along than he would have been had I been working that whole time.

So when I took this new position a few months ago I thought the transition would be easy, because I had already been working from home. I could not have been more wrong.

Now I am home for nearly 100% of my work life. I get out to visit our partners a few times a month, or to attend a networking event, but for the most part, I am here, in my office, every single day. Because of the nature of my work, and the fact that I work with families, the hours I work are quite varied.  I can work during the day, I can work in the evenings, I can work weekend and holidays. I can make a hot breakfast for my boys, and sit down and eat it with them. I drop the boys off at daycare and school every day, take my time, talk to their teachers, and still have time to work. I can pick up my boys after school, play with them, talk about their day, make dinner, eat it with them, and then, a few nights a week, pop back into my office for a few hours. Nice, right?

Sure, on paper it all looks great. But my boys get weird if they don't have what they consider to be "enough" time with their mommy. And their definition of "enough" is "all the time". If they are not in school or asleep then they just don't understand why they can't have my undivided attention.  They whine and cry when I head back upstairs to work, no matter how full I have filled their little attention buckets. (I LOVE Positive Parenting Solutions!). Sometimes it is like I am at the zoo, literally pushing small arms and legs out of the office so I can close, and lock, the door. Daddy takes them back downstairs and everyone, including me, is left in tears. Sigh.  So it's not as easy as it looks, and we have a long way to go to make it run more smoothly for our family. But the other day someone asked me for advice on working from home, so here it is, my advice:

• Turn your workstation off every night. It takes a few minutes to power up and turn everything on, which I don't have in the morning as I am starting my day. If everything is already powered up then it is very easy for you to just pop into your office and check your email, plan your day... when you should be spending time with you family. Work time is work time and family time is family time. I can't just pop into my office in the morning on my way to the little one's crib - powering down reminds me to be fully focused on the matter at hand, my boys.
• Plan your hours carefully so that you don't accidentally start working too early. I know, sounds crazy, but with no commute it is very easy to go straight to work. I find that if I go straight to my office after returning home from dropping off the boys then I run out of day and don't have enough time to do all the household management stuff that can easily get out of hand if not tended to every day. Many times I have walked into the kitchen for lunch only to see breakfast still sitting there, waiting to be cleaned up. How disheartening! With a little planning you can take the time you need to complete your morning routine without feeling guilty about not working. God, Family, Work, people. Always. I need to clean up breakfast, drink a cup of coffee while it is actually still hot, check my email, pray, start a load of laundry, and then I am ready to start my work day. Some people center themselves during their commute. I use 20 minutes before walking up the stairs.
• Take your lunch break for you, not for your house. I have to force myself to do this and, I must admit, I don't always do it, but it is so important for your sanity to take your lunch break for yourself. If you were working in an office building across town you wouldn't be thinking about the housework that needs done while you ate your lunch. So don't think it about it now. Taking your lunch time to eat, take a walk, listen to music, play a computer game- whatever energizes you is what you have to do to make it through the rest of your day. Put that guilt away- it is helping no one!
• Back to planning your hours- make sure you stop working in enough time so that you can focus on what needs done for your family. I set a timer and try very hard to finish my work on time so that I can walk away from my office and back into wife and mommy mode. Having an hour to myself before picking up the boys is invaluable. I can start dinner, set the table, tidy up the downstairs or make a quick pass through the upstairs. I have time to bring up the laundry I started in the morning and get it folded and into the boy's individual baskets for them to carry up to their rooms later. This way, when I pick up my boys, they are my only focus. They deserve my time.
• Let your spouse help. Now I know that your idea of a clean living room doesn't include a few scattered toys or cups laying about. But imagine how messy it was before he helped the kids clean up! I want my sweet husband to help out around the house, but it drives me crazy when he doesn't do it the way I would. Or when he doesn't do it at all. So now I make lists. I feel this is nagging but he asked for it, literally, and it really has made a huge difference in our home. He wants to help. He wants me to work. He wants me to contribute to the financial stability of our family, yet he also understands the importance of my being here for our boys. You may have to remind your spouse of why you work where and when you do, but also help him along with a little list or two, if needed. My husband knows that if I am working in the evening I expect dinner to be cleaned up, (and NOT just stacked in the sink!), the boys to be bathed, and at least the tiny toddler in bed. If I need more from him, like the trash or recycling taken out, the dishwasher emptied, etc., then I have to tell him. And once I do tell him, I have to let go. He is an adult, he can handle it.
• And speaking of letting go- you also have to let go of the childcare. There are moments, like earlier this morning, when I can hear total chaos happening downstairs. At times i can hear frustration in my husband's voice, or one of my boys crying. I can hear what sounds like elephants running through my kitchen - my boys play hard! I want to know what is happening down there- my heart aches thinking something is going wrong, or someone isn't happy. But my husband is not babysitting, he is parenting. And maybe he doesn't always parent the way I would, but these are his kids too and he needs the time to figure it out for himself.
• Keep your office as your office. It's not the room where everything that doesn't have a home gets dumped. It is your sacred work space. Our home office is shared by my husband and myself,  and I learned a few years back that the only way this was going to work was with separate desks. My husband has an office to go to every day, and so his desk at home is cluttered with bills and papers from the on the side accounting work he does. Which is fine, he doesn't work there every day. But I do. I was finding my work papers moved, or scribbled on as my sweet husband searched for a piece of paper to write a note on. Matching smaller desks set up facing each other solved our shared space problem. My desk is now mine alone, and I feel as though I am walking into a real work space every day.

It is both  hard and easy, this working from home gig. I know it will get easier as my boys grow older and can amuse themselves. But right now, when they seem to think that I am their lifeline and that they simply can't live without me, it is hard. It is a struggle to maintain the proper work/life balance and to focus on what I need to focus on. If I am working when the boys are clamoring for my attention I feel guilty. If I am spending time with my boys when I know I have a ton of work to finish, I feel guilty. If I spend all my free time with my boys because of the aforementioned guilt then I feel guilty for the time not spent with my husband. Add in the adoption guilt we adoptive parents carry around and the "I want to be a 50's housewife but just can't do it all alone" guilt and some days I am surprised that there is room in my brain for anything else. I remember fondly the days we had outside help cleaning our home and think that this may be the way we need to go in the near future. I don't know. I certainly don't have all the answers. But I can tell you this. When I am working on a weekend and my tiny toddler has been settled into his crib for his nap by my sweet husband, I am reminded again of how much I value being able to have this amazing work/life balance. As I hear him sing himself to sleep through our shared wall, or name the members of his family, (something new he has just started doing, "Mommy, Zhao, Daddy, Mommy, Zhao, Daddy..."), my heart is so full. And that is why we all strive to find the balance, right?

my adult ADD has kicked in this week

I am either "on" or "off". All the systems are in place for daily success. So I am not sure where the train is going off the rails here, but this has definitely been an "off" week. A huge, big, time sucking, not sure what the hell I am doing OFF week. It all started last week, really. I went back to work last Monday. My supportive husband, who really wants this whole working mother thing to, well, work, was right there by my side, totally pulling it together. He found the zone cleaning list and did some of the tasks. Now, he also did some tasks scheduled for later in the week because he read the lists incorrectly, but, to his credit, we had not yet had the "new and improved household management training in service". So he did good.

This continued for a few days. The house stayed pulled together, dinners were cooked, laundry was done. Life was good. This job, with fewer hours and less responsibility, really makes a huge difference in life here at Bethfork. (That's right, we named our home a few years ago. Bethfork. it was during our "watch reruns of Dallas on TV every night" phase.)

Then my cell phone died and I spent an hour and a half after dinner on Wednesday allowing AT&T to suck the life out of me during my visit to their retail store. Oh my, how I dislike AT&T. When I finally got home one kid was in bed, the other was still up, dinner was on the table and no zone cleaning had been done. By Thursday morning the other kid had gotten into bed, but that was about it. The rest of the chores remained undone. It was all down hill from there.

Thursday evening I had book club. Totally off topic but I love love love the ladies of book club. We came together through adoption but we truly are friends. I look forward to book club like a child looks towards Christmas and I go even if I haven't read the book. And now that I have two small children, I look forward to it even more. I love my boys. Love love love them. But going anywhere with them is far from relaxing. You know how it is. By the time I have picked up the toys thrown on the floor, cleaned up the spilled milk creeping it's way to the sugar packets, and reminded my big four and half year old to use his INSIDE VOICE for the hundredth time, I am done. So hanging with my friends in a kid free zone where I can actually drink a cup of coffee while it is still hot is something I would move mountains to do. So no catching up on life at home on Thursday.

Friday is not a work day for me,  but it is an tiny toddler day. And last Friday my tiny toddler had his six month follow up appointment at the International Adoption Clinic. He is doing great! I had no idea when I left the house at 9:30 in the morning that I wouldn't be home until 9:00 that night. Between wasting time in the car so my tiny toddler could nap to grocery shopping to throwing chicken nuggets at the boys while we raced to find a parking space at the holiday parade in Grove City - it was a busy day. Good news- we weren't home long enough to make additional messes. Bad news- we weren't home long enough to do anything.

Saturday I headed to Cleveland. I had some much needed alone time at my in laws home. (They were out of town so it was quiet, and clean, and ahhhhh.) I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend, which was also a little mini reunion of my Kent State University friends. So. Much. Fun.

When I finally returned home Sunday with the boys, who had been dropped off my my husband so he could have his alone time at the Brown's football game, it was after 6:00. Everyone was cranky, hungry, and tired. And nothing got done.

It is now Thursday. The pattern has continued, so you can imagine what my home looks like. I have been buying Christmas presents without consulting my plan. I have been dressing my kids out of the clean laundry basket. I have been throwing chicken nuggets and frozen corn at them. This morning I couldn't find my cell phone only to find it hiding under the bread bag on the counter. No one had had any bread this morning, so it must have been left out yesterday. Oh. My. God.

So I am not "on" this week. My adult ADD has kicked in. I have a new laptop I have been playing with. I have sparkly Christmas cards to read and then admire again later. (I love Christmas cards!) I have work to do for my job. I lose focus every time one of the boys says mommymommymommymommymommy....I keep stopping what I am doing to break up a fight over a beloved toy or to feed someone. Dear God these boys are always asking for things! And I have found that I am wasting A LOT of time being so disorganized. A huge chunk of my week has been eaten up by digging through laundry baskets looking for underwear for my big four and half year old. I have wasted time with my near daily trips to the grocery store. I am making more work for myself by not emptying the diaper genie because now I have to gather the dirty diapers in a trash bag and still empty the diaper genie. Today is pretty much a loss. But I have got to get it together tomorrow. I have to. My head is this close to exploding. So tomorrow it is. Tomorrow I will be "on" again. Oh wait. Tomorrow is the day my tiny toddler is home with me. And I have to drag him with me to a doctor's appointment. And I have to pack us up for our weekend trip. sigh....

I went back to work yesterday. Even though I worked for about a month after coming home from Russia I didn't travel away from home and my tiny toddler was here with me much of the time, so it really didn't feel like work. For all intents and purposes I really haven't worked since leaving for Russia back in April. Nearly seven months. Wow. I used that time to travel overseas to finalize the adoption of my youngest son. I helped to teach my son his new language. I loved him and fought with him and hugged him and told him no a thousand times. I changed his diapers, gave kisses, emptied the fridge on a daily basis trying to find something he would eat. I picked up the toys he threw, the books he threw, the laundry he threw. I bonded. And now I am back at work. At a job that is now officially permanent, after only one day!

So I packed the lunches and set the timer on the coffee. I laid out clothes for the boys. And the planning paid off because all three of my boys made it out the door on time, with lunches, shoes on, and teeth brushed. Normally after my husband leaves for work I would clean up breakfast and tackle the daily chores. By mid morning the day's zone would be cleaned, the one load of laundry in the dryer and the dishwasher emptied from the day before. By the time I was settling my tiny toddler down in his crib for an afternoon nap the laundry would be folded and ready to be put away. On most days I had it together.

Yesterday I cleaned up breakfast and then instead of heading on to the daily chores I headed upstairs to the office to start my new job. And I didn't look up. I missed working more than I thought I did! So by the time I picked up the boys from daycare/preschool, picked up yet another round of ear drops for my big four and a half year old, took the long way home so the boys could see the digger working in the dark, made dinner and fed everyone and made my near monthly pilgrimage to the AT&T store to replace my phone it was after 8:00pm. But I had planned for going back to work. I had talked and talked and talked about the daily zones with my husband. I had reminded all of my boys that just because I had to run this unexpected after dinner errand our daily zone cleaning still needed done. And I came home to dinner cleaned up- all I had to do was load the dishwasher. (daily chore). The boys had eaten their dessert and their rooms were cleaned up. (daily zone cleaning.) The tiny toddler was in bed. Oh. My. God. Score!

So not all of the zone cleaning got done. We didn't get the sheets on our bed changed and the bedrooms weren't vacuumed. Not all of the dusting was done. But what was left will take no time at all to finish up today. And my husband did ALL of it. All I did was load the dishwasher and pack the lunches. Oh, and I revamped the zone cleaning list. Instead of simply saying "Monday - Zone 1 - upstairs bedrooms", it lists every task needed to complete the daily zone. I gave my family the tools they needed to help me and they did help me. Each daily zone is now taped to the inside of a mirror or closet in the appropriate room, complete with instructions on where to find the cleaning supplies needed.

here is what our Thursday zone looks like. This is taped to the inside of a kitchen cabinet.

So, we begin day two. Breakfast is cleaned up. The dusting from yesterday is done. The laundry is in the washer and I am in the office, working. the house is presentable, dinner is planned. My boys found their Elf on a Shelf this morning and are super excited about decorating for Christmas. All is right with my world. I may just have found the key to this tightrope, the key that was missing my first time around. Organization, a manageable job, and allowing my husband to help by giving him the tools he needs to do it. I don't even need a safety net!

my family control journal

Recently I have had a few people ask me about my household organization plan. While I didn't invent the organizational wheel, so to speak, I have refined it to suit my family's needs. It works for me, on most days. Other days, not so much. I have my moments, of course. My house is frequently in clutter chaos, but the good news is that by using my system it doesn't take long to get everything back in control. I never feel as though things are "too far gone"- a sentiment I hear all too often from my friends.

I used to feel that way too, especially when I was working and gone from the house for hours, sometimes days, at a time. So I did something about it. And then I started blogging about it, and then people started asking me about it. So now I have added my family journal to my blog. Check out the "family journal" tab at the top to read about my household journal. Just promise me that if you decide to create a journal for your family you will make it your own. use my ideas, that is fine with me. But create the household management system that works for you and your family. Give yourself more time!

will the two year old use the broom handle as a high jump pole?

As you know, I have returned to my quasi fly lady, semi made up totally by me household planning system. I have to say, I am loving it, and I am loving the fact that my husband loves how clean and pulled together the house has been lately. I do have to say though, if you miss a day of zone cleaning/organizing the work really starts to pile up. So you can imagine how backed up I was after missing, say, six days straight. Last week was the first week of my new part time stay at home mom gig, and I'm not going to lie to you, the week sort of got away from me.

I'm back on track now though. Yesterday I cleaned the master bedroom and both boys rooms, which included running the sweeper. I have to run the sweeper when Alex isn't around because he totally freaks out every time it is turned on. I am not sure where this fear is coming from; he was present in our hotel room daily when housekeeping was cleaning, so it's not like he has never seen, or heard, a sweeper before. He was even OK with it here at home, at first. But now, suddenly, he acts like a dog, screaming and running around while simultaneously trying to climb up my leg.

Today I cleaned both the master bathroom and the boys' bathroom, with Alex's help. Staying on track is a little harder with my tiny toddler around. Today he ran around the upstairs wielding the broom and hitting it on all the closed doors while I both cleaned the bathrooms and prayed that he didn't:
A. knock everything off the top of the dressers with the broom handle.
B. knock the shelf off the wall in the hallway. (the shelf was hung by me, so I'm not all that sure how secure it is up there.)
C. use the broom handle as a high jump pole as he catapults himself over the gate and down the stairs.

Bottom line: may not be perfect, but it's done, and it's getting done again next week so it's all good.

Here's the really cool part though. Every night before I hang out with my husband the toys are picked up, mostly, the kitchen is clean and the laundry is folded. (usually not put away, but that's a goal for another day.) It is really becoming second nature. And it is rubbing off on my family. Yesterday I had to pick up the boys early from daycare, (because one was sick, only he wasn't sick and the teacher didn't even know I had been called. that's right. stay tuned for that story.) The living room was covered from one end to the other with toys, sofa pillows, blankets, sippy cups... the mess had started to creep into the kitchen and I was tripping over mini electric pianos and tiny matchbox cars while trying to cook dinner. I started to sing the "toys away" song and before I knew it my big four and a half year old was on his feet, picking up the toys. I didn't even have to ask him!

After dinner I took my older son to Starbucks for "Mommy and Matthew" time and when we got back there were a few toys back out, from the two year old's play time with Daddy. After bedtime TV show, bath time, (which involved a trash bag to keep the big four and a half year old's splint dry and lots of shushing to keep the two year asleep down the hall), and cleaning up dinner I just left the living room. And this morning my amazing four and a half year old walked into the living room, stated "This room is a mess!" and began picking up the toys! Score!

So I am loving my new system. I have finished my family "control" journal, complete with a our family mission statement, weekly menu's, shopping lists, daily and weekly tasks and zone cleaning. I have also added babysitter notes for the boys and emergency contact information, including medical teams and such. (my older son sees at least five different doctors, so it's not so easy to keep them all straight.) And it is all in a binder with a picture of my boys slid into the front window, so that when it stands up on  my kitchen counter it doubles as a picture frame. Some may think it's silly, but it's the little victories that make our days special, right? For me, it's all about control, and with my control journal at the ready I feel completely in control.

only read if you are as imperfect as I am

This new job I will be starting in September means not only more time to spend with my husband and boys, it also means changes to the family budget. It means more thoughtful grocery shopping, better planning for upcoming events and cleaning my own home. None of this is new to me. Truth be told, the only reason  I stopped doing these things was because of how much time my career was eating up. If I was going to work every day, travel overnight frequently, work weekends and evenings after my son was in bed then I was not going to waste a minute of my free time cleaning. Every moment of that free time went right to my husband and son. And it worked.

Now life is about to change again and I'm pulling out my old planning system to assure that the house, and our lives, stay in order. My system is a mixture of fly lady ,  and franklin covey with my own quirks tossed in for fun and giggles. I have often been asked about this process, which is flattering, yes. So I am going to share it. But before I do each and every one of you has to stand up, raise your right hand and swear that you will not just snag my system. In order for this to really work for you and your family, you have to make it your own. Put your personal stamp on it and off you go! Oh, and you also have to understand, I mean really understand, that my home is not perfect. Right now I am sitting in my kitchen. There is a basket of clean (and folded!) laundry sitting in the living room by the sofa. There are three pairs of little people shoes tossed on the rug by the garage door. There is a little monster truck overturned on the kitchen floor and there is a Lightening McQueen puzzle (all put together by my big four year old!) laying on the other end of the kitchen table. There is laundry sitting in the dryer and toys in the bathtub. And you don't want to even hear about the garage... So repeat after me... beth is not perfect. And to prove it - my four year old showed up at day care today dressed in a black monster truck t-shirt that is at least two sizes too big for him. And I am pretty sure he had peanut butter on his face. (that's my boy!)

To review ; beth is not perfect but has system to keep chaos in some sort of order. This allows beth to breath easily, and relax with loving husband at night in tidy living room with new favorite drink, which I am too embarrassed to tell you about right now. If you agree to all that, then you can read on.

The first step to my process is a family journal. I started with a 1 inch three ring binder and decided that it was too cumbersome and so downsized to the Franklin Covey "classic" size - much more manageable. This book hangs out on my kitchen counter, where I can refer to it frequently. Our family mission statement is front and center on the first page. A calendar sits behind the first tab. This is where I keep track of all family stuff. I tried to blend my work and family schedules once and it was truly an ugly month. Day care outings, church events, play groups, doctors appointments - you know the drill.

The next tab is menus and shopping. Weekly dinner plans and corresponding grocery lists hang out here. These menus and shopping lists are created every Saturday for the upcoming week, since I usually do the grocery shopping on Sundays. For those of you who are already thinking that I am too controlling (and we are only on tab two!), I have to say that while I select a menu for each day I don't always stick to that day when preparing dinner. I know, crazy, right? Sometimes I just throw caution to the wind and make Tuesday's dinner on Monday!

The third tab is weekly chores. This is a really important section as this is what keeps the house clean and orderly. Mainly using the fly lady system I have a morning routine:

• make beds (which is easy these days since the two year sleeps in a crib and the four year old has taken to sleeping backwards and on top of his covers every night- no need to make his bed at all!)
• swish & swipe master bath (straight from fly lady)
• start laundry ( so it never piles up!)
• unload dishwasher

The daily routine also includes a daily home blessing (another fly lady jewel) where I spend less than 10 minutes wandering through the house picking up each room- just the big stuff. On the list is also an evening routine of lunch packing and school bag assembly. The final component to my daily routine is a 15 minute clean in a different zone each day. Again, straight from fly lady. Here are my zones:

Zone 1 - bedrooms and office (dust, vacuum, change sheets)
Zone 2- master bathroom (very easy to complete because of the daily "swish & swipe")
Zone 3- boys bathroom
Zone 4- living room and dining room (dust and vacuum)
Zone 5- kitchen (counter, appliances and floor)
Zone 6- downstairs bathroom

Less than 15 minutes in each zone, one zone a day Monday through Saturday. The key to this is assuring the boys pick up all their toys every day, which we manage to complete about 80% of the time by pitting our four year old against the clock while we entertain the two year old so that he does not go behind his brother and undo all of his hard work by pulling the toys back out. This daily "beat the timer" game is the only way we have found to get the toys off the floor and into the toy box. If he beats the clock he gets to watch his night night show. If not, he goes to bed.

Other tips to keeping the house clean:

• tidy up the boys bathroom while they are in the tub. Wipe down the counter, sink and mirror, swish and swipe the toilet. The boys love to wipe down their tub when they are done. :)
• I use a dish brush that has a well for soap (so it soaps itself) to clean the shower. It hangs in the shower and I quickly clean one shower wall while the conditioner hangs out in my hair.
• Once a week I try to spend 15 minutes de-cluttering a zone. I set the timer so I don't get too involved and clean out a kitchen cupboard or under a sink.

The next tab has the contact info for all of the various doctors my family frequents. There is a tab with info for each child and one for the babysitter. Take out menus round out the back of the book.

This system works really well for my family. I like the small binder because this allows me to add information as needed, like when I have to be out of town and my husband needs to know what goes in the kid's school lunches, or when I am planning an event, such as my youngest son's upcoming baptism and welcome home luncheon. I can toss the binder in the diaper bag or my briefcase if I need to take it with me or I can stuff it into the bookshelf with the cookbooks. My husband can reference it if he needs to start dinner or check the calendar.

The final piece of this system is our individual clipboards. Each family member (minus my husband) has their very own clipboard hanging on the kitchen wall. We have all decorated our own clipboards and each is labeled with our name. This is how I keep the clutter off the kitchen counter. Everything goes on a board - all birthday party invites, play date notes, letters from other day care moms, school fee slips, sports schedules, music class info- you get the idea. the tons of paper we receive in the mail and drag home from day care every day either goes in the bill holder, to a clipboard, or in the trash. Nothing stays on the counter.

So, what systems work to keep the chaos under control in your family? I am always looking for suggestions!