Wednesday, March 14, 2012

my thoughts for upcoming reality shows

I don't watch The Bachelor. I don't watch any reality TV shows unless they involve cooking, virgin home purchases, deadly crab fishing, families with WAY to many kids, aging commitment phobic rock stars,  or driving heavy semi's over roads made of ice. OK, I watch A LOT of reality TV.  What I don't watch are those shows involving love, celebrity relationships, remote islands, racing around the world, or roses. Especially roses. But a lot of my friends love that rose show. Which got me thinking. Any couple should be able to make it work in the beautiful and peaceful settings of this show. A stately mansion, sandy beaches, sunsets, champagne.... if I only saw my husband by the light of the moon while wearing a beautiful dress and sipping expensive bubbly we would be the happiest couple in the world, all the time.

If you ask me, shows like this one are missing an important component. Where is the drama? The real life tests? In case any producers are reading, here are a few thoughts for upcoming episodes.

  • Have the happy couple take an 8 hour car trip with at least two children under the age of five strapped into the backseat. Provide a cooler of juice boxes in a flavor both kids loved last week but now only one will drink. Also in the cooler should be an uneven number of snacks, assuring the kids will whine and fight every time the snack bag is opened, which will be approximately every eight minutes for the entire duration of the trip. Assure cooler does not contain any adult friendly snacks or anything with alcohol in it. Also in the car should be a package of baby wipes with only two wipes left,  25 kid's music CD's, enough diapers to last 7 of the 8 hours, and 1,000 cheerios. There should also be enough toys to stock a small toy store, preferably toys with small parts and/or made of hard plastic to assure real pain when one of the little monsters  angels wings it into the front seat. Forget the map, GPS and pain relievers at home.
  • Find out true compatibility by having the couple  enjoy an overnight visit to the local emergency room with at least one very sick child. Everyone must wear mismatched pajamas and no one may have cash to pay the parking valet at the ER entrance or purchase cold beverages and coffee. For extra credit assure that at least one of the adults is also suffering from whatever illness has attacked the child. 
  • Have one member of the couple spend a fair amount of time and a lot of energy scrubbing the kitchen, including the floor, until it is sparkling clean. Exactly two minutes after cleaning is finished have other adult wander into kitchen trailing two small boys. This will assure that after only three minutes alone in the kitchen at least three cupboard doors will be open, counters will be sticky, cheerios will be on the floor, the "keep them busy at the table" toy box will be emptied onto the floor and the freezer door will be left slightly open. Invite the one who did the cleaning back into the kitchen and watch the fun unfold!

Oh the scenes we could create! Now that is a show I might watch!


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