Tuesday, August 9, 2011

my sweeties faq's

Many retail websites have whole pages dedicated to Frequently Asked Questions, or FAQ's. I would like to post the answers to a few of the FAQ's I am repeatedly asked so that I may refer my big four and a half year old, my teensy toddler, and happy daddy to simply review the answers. Problem is, I have no idea where I would post them. Many of these questions come up in the kitchen, so I could post them on the wall, right next to the refridgerator. But they also pop up in the car, the bath tub, the back yard... Maybe I should just post the answers on their sweet little foreheads...

Can I have a popsicle for breakfast?
Have I ever let you have a popsicle (or candy) for breakfast? Ever? No? Well then, there's your answer. And I do not want to hear the arguement that I sometimes let you have potato chips for breakfast. They are always the healthier tomato flavored kind, which is sort of like eating a vegetable, right?

Will you help me pick up my toys?
Oh, dear sweet son. So far today I have washed, dried, and folded at least one load of laundry, a considerable amount of which was yours. I have made the beds, tidied the entire house, wiped down the bathrooms and swept the kitchen floor at least twice. I have packed lunches, made breakfast and dinner, and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher. I may have also paid bills, scheduled and/or schlepped you and your brother to doctor's appointments, ran a few errands, oh, and worked. Mommy has a job, sweetie, and it is not picking up your toys!

Is it morning yet?
Are Mommy and Daddy up and dressed? Are you talking to me in your bedroom or in the kitchen or are you standing next to my bed to ask this question? Here's a clue. If I am laying down and covered up by a blanket, it is probably not morning yet. Go back to bed!

Mommy, can you watch me_________________?
OK, now this answer needs to be handled with care. But the truth is, I have already seen you do everything I allow you to do, probably at least a hundred times. I also have no interest in watching you do something that will result in you getting hurt, your brother getting hurt, something getting broken, or Mommy getting hurt.

Is dinner ready yet?
Here's a clue. You will all know when dinner is ready because I will say, now listen closely, dinner is ready. I will then present you with a plate of food, which you, depending on which sweetie you are, will either:
a. eat nicely
b. complain about but maybe eat
c. eat and then throw on either the floor or at Mommy

Is my ________(drink, snack, meal) bigger than Alex's?
I don't care. Stop asking me this immediately.

Do you know where my ________(shoes, frog, monster truck, blue shirt, cell phone...) is?
Yes, yes I do. I know where everything is around here. (I really do!) Except for Happy Daddy's car keys. I have absolutely no idea where those are hiding.

Wanna talk about my day?
OK, I never grow tired of this one. I will always want to stop what I am doing and talk with you. Always.

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