Well I Never!

It's time for another installment of "Things I never thought I would say or even know."

• "You need 60 points to earn your guinea pig."
• A good baby sitter is worth her weight in gold. or pizza. or cough medicine. Whatever she wants, give it to her.
• Tiny little bugs can live inside the Diaper Genie.
• "Do not hit your brother with your snorkel in the bathtub!"
• A kid will whine every day for a banana when you are out of bananas. When bananas are plentiful, said kid will act as though they are made of poison.
• The red dye I am trying to avoid giving my boys because studies show it adds to poor focus and behavior issues is in everything.
• "Why did your teacher find you sitting on top of the potty at school?"
• Kahlua in a sippy cup is just as good.
• No matter how late we are for school, there is always time for coffee.
• "Stop chasing the cat with your light saber!"
• "Stop chasing your brother with you light saber!"
• "Get that light saber out of my face!"
• "Mommy is NOT a jungle gym!"
• It is impossible to stop young boys from jumping on the sofa, jumping off the sofa, or jumping across the room from one sofa to another. Impossible. Stop trying. Just always stay dressed with your car keys handy so you can make that quick dash to the ER when they eventually misjudge the jump and bounce off the coffee table.
• "Go back upstairs and put underwear on!"
• "I don't care if that pair of underwear is your cousin's! They are clean and they showed up in your suitcase and they are yours now."
• "Honey, people don't like it when you look under the bathroom stall like that."
• "OK, let's stop being a cat and crawling on the floor now. It's time to walk like a big boy!"
• "Stop meowing!"
• "Honey, that's something you should only do in the privacy of your crib."
• Boys will consider a room "clean" if they only see 5 toys, 2 magazines, and 3 cups on the floor.
• "Wait, I'll get you a tissue."
• "What happened to what was on your finger?"
• "You put it where????"
•  I am the only person in the house who knows how to close a drawer or cupboard.
• If you are out with young kids at a place with clean bathrooms they will never have to go. If you are out where there are only outdoor potties, they will always have to go. Twice.
• There is never toilet paper in port a potties.
• The kid wearing the football helmet and careening through the living room at top speed will bounce off the kid not wearing a football helmet no fewer than 5 times between the time you say, "Stop running around the living room- no football in the house!" and time he takes the helmet off.
• It hurts to get rammed by a small child wearing a football helmet.
• Small boys and bruises go hand in hand.
• If one of us needs a band aid, we all need a band aid.
• A hug can fix a multitude of problems.
• Every day is a new day to screw up  enjoy.