The Noises of My Life

Yesterday my little family traveled from Cleveland back home to Columbus. A trip that should have taken two and a half hours took much, much longer thanks to a stop for gas, a stop for food, three separate accidents, and a whole lot of traffic. We were tired. We were thirsty. We were squirmy and tense and not getting along with each other so well. We were all being driven crazy by the tiny toddler, who can rain down a lot of terror while strapped into his car seat. At one point we pulled over and my sweet husband squeezed his body between the car seat and the booster seat and his long legs between blankets and stuffed animals and we rode the rest of the way home with me, alone in the front seat, driving, and all of my boys stuffed into the backseat. I definitely got the better end of that deal. The ride was loud. The tiny toddler was screaming. The super six year old was playing DS games that pinged and bopped and played music. The kind of music that burrows itself into your brain and takes hold of your sanity. This kind of music. The radio was on to Kids Place Live, which shoots outs such ditties as Did You See Where The Cat Threw Up? , Which, to be truthful, is a reality played out in our home nearly daily, so we tend to take this song as simply good advice. My life is loud, which is not something I am used to. I didn't grow up in a loud house. With a musician father, the sounds in my home growing up were purposeful. Music. Instruments practicing. No one yelling or jumping or screaming.

But now I live with boys. My sweet husband plays the TV louder than I would. He thinks nothing of turning on a press conference or video on his phone when the room is already full of other noise. He listens to rock music or sports radio in the car, leaving the volume turned way up for the next unsuspecting person who turns the car on. So there's that. But now there is even more. The orchestra of noises in my world are the new backdrop to my life, and are a result of life with boys.

Maybe not all boys are wild and loud, but mine sure are. God created boys to be mighty warriors, and loud play is in their DNA. It's not in mine, as I keep telling them, but seeing as they don't share my DNA this doesn't seem to be sinking in. God created men to long for adventure, and who am I to mess with that? So the orchestra plays on.

• engine sounds: My boys are really really good at creating monster truck engine sounds. They toss the sofa cushions on the floor and pretend that their little bodies are the trucks, racing around and jumping over the pillows, all the time making very realistic monster truck engine noises.

• mysterious thumps and bumps: My boys are always in motion, unless Curious George or Toy Story is on TV. They jump off beds, sofas and chairs. They purposely fall down. They roll off the beds. Loud noises come from upstairs play daily in our home and I pause whatever I am doing for a few seconds to listen if the thump is accompanied by a scream or crying. Otherwise, I ignore.

• bodily noises: My boys LOVE to pretend that their stuffed baby animals are "making smellies", which is what we call farting in our home. They put the animals' bottom in your face and "toot", then they laugh as though what they just did was the absolute funniest thing they have ever seen. This can be repeated for hours. They also enjoy making these noises themselves, as well as burping and pretending to throw up.

• shooting noises: Despite my best efforts to stop it from happening, my boys are into gun play. I know it's not socially accepted these days and I am sure I will one day receive that call from the school due to the zero tolerance policies, "Mrs. Wilkison? Your son has turned his half eaten slice of pizza into a gun and is pointing it at the other children as he makes "bang bang" noises. Please come pick him up right away. And bring a snack- we threw away his pizza."  Yes, I know it is coming. But you can't seem to stop boys from turning everything they see into a gun and pretending to shoot it at their brother. I added Velcro to colorful foam craft sticks so my three year old could create letters and houses and shapes while in the car or when waiting for dinner at a restaurant and you know the first thing he made with them? You guessed it, a gun. Which he pointed at me while making shooting noises.

• running noises: These boys seem truly incapable of walking, anywhere.

• plastic wheels on hard floors noises: My boys can spend hours doubled over, their little faces nearly touching the floor, as they push all of their body weight down on plastic buses and trucks and race them across the kitchen floor. This game is usually reserved for right after dinner, when they are done but my husband and I would like a moment to just be together and talk about our days. Which we do in small spurts as the boys race their trucks around the room in the loudest way possible.

• siren noises: My three year old can make a siren noise that will make the hair on your arms stand up and salute.

• singing noises: OK, this isn't really a noise, but it does add to the orchestra of my life. Both of my boys like to sing, and they often will sing to themselves while playing. Or hum... refer to the Bad Piggies music from earlier- over and over and over again...

• mommy watch what what I can do noises: "Mommy!" "Mommy, watch!" "Mommy mommy mommy mommy!" Repeat.

• I love you noises: We say "love love" in our home, and it is often accompanied by the sign language for the word "love". We then click our love signing fingers together and say "click". We don't exactly know why we do this. But it is a noise often heard in our home.

• different languages noises: The super six year old takes Mandarin classes. We all speak a handful of words in both Russian and Chinese. We mix our languages frequently, and it is a beautiful noise.

• kiss kiss noises: I just have to say "kiss kiss" to my tiny toddler and he will, usually, give me a kiss on the cheek. I know, too cute, right? Often he will walk up to me and say, "I wanna hug you now", or "I wanna kiss momma now". Best noise ever.

What kinds of noises make up the sound track to your life?

three weeks of positive parenting

We have been knee deep in positive parenting approaches for almost three weeks now. We are still working our way through the classes, and there have been many times that I have gone back for a refresher course on something we have already covered. So far, I have to say, it is working. Most of the time. Not all of the time. And not always with the tiny toddler. Don't get me wrong. I didn't expect these techniques to work every time with the little guy. All I am really looking for is the opportunity to lay the groundwork for his future behavior. It is my hope that he is watching us right now, just taking it all in, and maybe one day it will "click" and he will just get it.

Here's what I have figured out so far: My boys are happiest when they have 100% of my attention. Not their teachers' attention, not their father's attention, my attention. Which they just cannot always have. That being said, the positive parenting approach is helping us find solutions to the behaviors that occur when their "attention buckets" are empty. I have been dragging myself out of bed 15 minutes early every school/work day to have "matthew & mommy" time first thing. He is really responding well to me waking him up and not forcing him immediately into his clothes and down the stairs for breakfast. We sit in the big chair in his room and read a few books or play Wheel of Fortune on my iPhone. He still usually wants me to stay and help him get dressed, but I am determined to choose my battles. After all, it only takes a few minutes to get him out of his pull up and into his play clothes, so I have been reminding myself daily that there will come a time when he won't want my help, and I will miss my sweet little boy kicking his pull up off and across the room, trying to hit whatever target he has chosen that day.  The key, I have found, is reminding him both before we snuggle and after that we are enjoying "matthew & mommy" time. He is now usually dressed, with socks and shoes on, and teeth brushed before we sit down to breakfast. No nagging. Let me say that again. No nagging. And because the big five year old is ready to go I can focus more attention on the tiny toddler, who is having fewer morning meltdowns. Which is all leading to happier exchanges between my sweet husband and me in the morning, and no one has left the house late in nearly three weeks.  Mornings, conquered.

I have also been working on assigning an appropriate consequence to whatever negative behavior I am witnessing from my boys. After taking a few of the Positive Parenting Solutions classes my sweet husband and I have determined that we were assigning consequences that didn't match the behavior. My big five year old couldn't draw that imaginary line between action and consequence, but now we are making that a little easier for him. For example, he loves to go grocery shopping with me. If he acts up in the store and doesn't stop when I ask I simply say, "I expect you to listen to me and stop ______. (insert crazy behavior here.) If you choose not to stop you may not come with me to the grocery store next time." This is very hard for me, because it requires two things. First, I have to be able to explain the consequence and then ignore the negative behavior if it doesn't stop. Second, I have to remember what consequence was given, and not take him to the grocery store next time. I am still working on this. It is so hard to let go and just ignore the behavior when it is driving me crazy. This past Sunday my big five year old was starting to get a little too bouncy while hanging out in the cafe at church and so I explained to him that we would not come early next week for a donut before church if he chosenot to behave. Then I turned back to my friend and continued our conversation. While he continued to bounce around a little. Ignoring him, while convinced that everyone around us was thinking, "Why is she letting her kid bounce around like that?" was very hard. I had to keep telling myself that no one around us was even thinking of us. And don't any of you tell me otherwise.

So right now I am working on myself, and not my kids. Letting go of some of the behaviors and not expecting them to be perfect is job number one. Not being so controlling is job number two. And I am seeing some improvement. Like I have said before, my kids behavior isn't really all that bad. We have our chaotic moments,  but those are getting better. And bonus, I am starting to see a slight improvement in my tiny toddler's behavior. We have totally taken time outs off our "go to" list; they didn't work for the little guy anyways. I may put a toy in time out, but not the kid. So far, so good.

It is definitely a journey. And we have so much more to learn and more classes to take. But in the meantime, I am building my confidence, which will come  in handy as my boys grow up! And I am already a calmer mommy. Last night my boys all headed into the house just as I was putting dinner on the table. My big five year old asked me what was for dinner and I told him that we were having roasted chicken but I knew he really didn't like that so, as a special treat, I made him chicken nuggets. usually he eats what we eat or he doesn't eat. But because I was calmer and happier I could see my way to making him a little happier too. And you know what he did? He climbed out of kitchen chair and ran over to me, yelling, 'Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mommy!", and ran right into me giving me a huge hug, Totally worth the effort.

my thoughts for upcoming reality shows

I don't watch The Bachelor. I don't watch any reality TV shows unless they involve cooking, virgin home purchases, deadly crab fishing, families with WAY to many kids, aging commitment phobic rock stars,  or driving heavy semi's over roads made of ice. OK, I watch A LOT of reality TV.  What I don't watch are those shows involving love, celebrity relationships, remote islands, racing around the world, or roses. Especially roses. But a lot of my friends love that rose show. Which got me thinking. Any couple should be able to make it work in the beautiful and peaceful settings of this show. A stately mansion, sandy beaches, sunsets, champagne.... if I only saw my husband by the light of the moon while wearing a beautiful dress and sipping expensive bubbly we would be the happiest couple in the world, all the time.

If you ask me, shows like this one are missing an important component. Where is the drama? The real life tests? In case any producers are reading, here are a few thoughts for upcoming episodes.

• Have the happy couple take an 8 hour car trip with at least two children under the age of five strapped into the backseat. Provide a cooler of juice boxes in a flavor both kids loved last week but now only one will drink. Also in the cooler should be an uneven number of snacks, assuring the kids will whine and fight every time the snack bag is opened, which will be approximately every eight minutes for the entire duration of the trip. Assure cooler does not contain any adult friendly snacks or anything with alcohol in it. Also in the car should be a package of baby wipes with only two wipes left,  25 kid's music CD's, enough diapers to last 7 of the 8 hours, and 1,000 cheerios. There should also be enough toys to stock a small toy store, preferably toys with small parts and/or made of hard plastic to assure real pain when one of the little monsters  angels wings it into the front seat. Forget the map, GPS and pain relievers at home.

• Find out true compatibility by having the couple  enjoy an overnight visit to the local emergency room with at least one very sick child. Everyone must wear mismatched pajamas and no one may have cash to pay the parking valet at the ER entrance or purchase cold beverages and coffee. For extra credit assure that at least one of the adults is also suffering from whatever illness has attacked the child. 

• Have one member of the couple spend a fair amount of time and a lot of energy scrubbing the kitchen, including the floor, until it is sparkling clean. Exactly two minutes after cleaning is finished have other adult wander into kitchen trailing two small boys. This will assure that after only three minutes alone in the kitchen at least three cupboard doors will be open, counters will be sticky, cheerios will be on the floor, the "keep them busy at the table" toy box will be emptied onto the floor and the freezer door will be left slightly open. Invite the one who did the cleaning back into the kitchen and watch the fun unfold!

Oh the scenes we could create! Now that is a show I might watch!

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