if only we knew what you were sorry for!

Boys are so different than girls. Girls hang on to injustices while boys seem to shake them off more quickly. At least this is what I witnessed over the weekend.

My big four and a half year old has been planning his fifth birthday party for months now. When I make him mad with my constant requests to hang up his coat or to get ready for bed he frequently tells me, "You are NO LONGER invited to my birthday party." Sure, kiddo. I'll stay home. Let's see your dad plan and execute a party for 15 five year olds. Sadly, my sarcasm is lost on my big four and a half year old.

So I wasn't all that surprised on Christmas day when I overheard my son heading up his grandparents' basement stairs telling his younger cousin, "If you do that you are NOT MY FRIEND." As I got up to open the basement door and stop the impending fight my son followed up his threat with, "You are NOT INVITED to my birthday party!"

I gently pulled my son into the laundry room and patiently explained that his upcoming birthday party was not the social event of the year that he seemed to think it was. That perhaps his cousin wasn't waiting on pins and needles for his engraved invitation to arrive in the mail. That it wasn't nice to say things like that. I explained how we should handle ourselves when a friend, (or cousin), upsets us. How we walk away or make the decision to do what our friend wants to do instead. How we put our friends first. How we don't say things we don't mean, and how hurtful our words can be. I hugged my young son and walked him out of the laundry room into the living room where his young cousin was now hanging out with his mother and aunt. I was so proud of my teaching moment and my amazing parenting techniques. No one cried! No one was screaming! No time outs were needed! I am amazing!

My son walked up to his cousin and this is what I heard:

son: "I'm sorry."
cousin: "What for?"
son: "I don't know."
cousin: "I don't know either."
son: "OK."
cousin: "OK."

sigh.

my sons will learn at the feet of their father

I am proud to say that my husband is a "new generation" dad. Unlike his father and his father's father, he is not shy about expressing his love for his children. He says "I love you" to them frequently, even in public where someone might accidentally overhear. He signs "I love you" even more. He can be found on the playground, alone with his kids. He isn't just tagging along with Mommy, he is in the trenches, being a full time, hands on, loving father. And our boys are seeing this. They are learning at the feet of their father how to be a man. And they will  pass this on to their kids one day. The way I see it, future generations have today's father's to thank for ending the hands off parenting of our elder males.

Maybe it all started when that first dad to be somehow found himself in the delivery room. Did he take a wrong turn? Did he mean to be there, actually witnessing the birth of his child? Who knows, but he began a daddy take charge movement like no other.

I know our fathers loved us. And I know our grandfathers loved their kids as well. These strong men took care of their families, providing support, discipline (just wait until your father gets home!), and quiet love. They taught us to ride bikes and drive cars. My dad even cooked meals, drove carpool and often found himself raising two girls as a somewhat single parent, due to my mother often being ill. Yes, the fathers of history definitely loved their children.

But today's men aren't afraid to kiss and hug their kids, even the boys. They say "I love you" and they mean it. They tear up at day care Christmas pageants and t-ball games. They take days off from the office to be with their families. They have their priorities straight. And that has got to have a positive effect on the young men we are raising. The "new generation" dads will only get stronger as our boys grow into the men they are to become. Yes, I am very proud of my husband for knowing his father loved him but for wanting to find a more concrete way to show that love to his sons.

reading to a baby zhao

playing trucks with alex