my mother's day wish list

Mother's Day is this Sunday. I am hopeful for a specific present but since I also asked for said present for my birthday a few months ago I don't have high hopes. But it's all good. Whatever my boys do, or don't do, it will be a great day. After all, there were years that I thought I would never get to celebrate my own Mother's Day, so I am happy just to be a mom. No, really.

But if I were to daydream about the perfect Mother's Day present, previously asked for gift aside, my wish list might look something like this:

• 20 clean fingernails on my two young sons. I can't find a fingernail brush at any store for my two little dirt balls  sweeties.
• No Cheerios or off brand Fruit Loops in the living room. Not.A.Single.One. Not under the sofas, not smashed between the pages of a book, not hiding in the coffee table drawer....
• Just one morning where the big five year old doesn't kick his wet pull up off his body and into the air as high as he can while Mommy ducks so as not to be hit as it lands with a thud. Just throw the thing away already!
• A kitchen floor that stays clean for more than 2 minutes.
• Beer.
• No cat messes on the carpet.
• The tiny toddler happily accepting whatever food item is offered, the first time. 
• My sweet husband's iPhone mysteriously getting lost for a few hours.
• Using the bathroom without anyone pounding on the door or any tiny fingers pushing tiny cars under the door.
• No one under the age of 40 waking me up. 
• A drawer full of matching socks for the big five year old. Why that boy never has clean socks might forever be a mystery to me. 
• No football games, play groups, birthday parties, or lessons of any kind to get to. And all that that implies- no packing apple slices and drink boxes, no loading the car with chairs and strollers, no martial arts uniform to wash and iron...
• Some really good ice cream.
• Nobody saying the word "poop". 24 hours of not hearing that word. Just give me that.
• A winning lottery ticket. Let me clarify. I am not interested in one of those tickets where I win $5.00. I mean a solid, quit your job and stay home swimming in your brand new in ground pool winning ticket. 
• Sex when I am still awake enough to enjoy it. 
• The Christmas lights taken down off the shrubs in the front of the house. That's right, we're that family.
• Marry Poppins landing with her umbrella in my backyard and happily and efficiently potty training my tiny toddler.
• A guilt free shopping spree where I buy only clothes for me. No tiny underwear, no tiny socks, nothing for my sweet husband. Me. Only for me.
• No Tom & Jerry on TV. 
• The organizing fairy showing up to clean out and pull together the closet in the office.
• Time to watch a totally cheesy chick flick, complete with popcorn.
• Being able to use the laptop without any little people tugging on my pants and demanding their turn.
• No guilty feeling when I walk past the shower in the master bath. No wondering when I last cleaned it. I mean really cleaned it, and not the quick once every two weeks half hearted wipe it gets now.
• No one in my house having sticky hands and fingers and touching absolutely everything. 
• The tiny toddler finally understanding that he does not need to scream as though his head in stuck in the rails of his crib just because he has pulled a special little something out of his nose and  wants to show it me. I am sleeping. I do not need to see your boogers at 6am. GO BACK TO SLEEP! 
• A decent photo of me and my boys. One where no one is frowning, no one has their head cocked so far to the right they are out of the photo, no one is holding a toy in front of their mouth or pinching their brother.
• Nobody whining. 

I know. Dream on, right? Maybe, just maybe  Mary Poppins will materialize in my backyard but there is no way we could make it through the day with no Tom & Jerry or whining...

But it's all good. A kiss and hug from my boys. That is all I really need for Mother's Day.